The Times Of Twenty-Twelve.

Hello peeps. :)

So no,
I am not continuing that love story of my two best friends.
Reason being that I don't like sad endings.
So I will complete the story the day both of them get the happy ending they actually deserve.

Untill then I am going to tell you all about something else.
So as you all must have noticed,
It's the last day of the year.
2012 is officially going to be over in a day.
SO I've just been thinking about how complicated this year was.
The summer that never ended. <3

The winters which brought new beginnings.

The Monsoon that brought in a lot of love. <3

This year I became someone else.
I changed a lot.

So today,  I'm just going to talk about how 2012 was to me?
Was it good? Was it bad?
I can't really decide.

It started with a wedding.
A crazy and the most awaited wedding, which turned a lot of things in my family later on.
Then the exams which went not so good after all. But somehow, I did manage to get 83% overall.
Then the crazy march and the begininng of the new, horrible session.
The summer holidays <3

When I danced, got my first boyfriend, broke up in a day, did my first couple dance, got my first guy best friend, watched my first sex comedy movie, and so much more. :-D

It all began just right there.
The magic began.
Then the july. The monsoon.
Another shitty relationship.

Then the end of july, the rain poured love and I was dating my first boyfriend again.

Then the august, I got back to work and said goodbye to my boyfriend.

Then august,
Enters Rudra Sharma : new best friend.

Then september,
The study hard month.
Gave my phone to the tuition sir.
Worked hard.
Got a better result. :)

Then the october.
The jobless, crazy, fall in love, get a new boyfriend, birthday month.
Started hokkah.
Tried to fall in love with best friend.
Got a new boyfriend;
Broke up in 2 days because best friend didn't like boyfriend.
Got addicted to hokkah.
Got a haircut.
Started getting a little better.
Started class bunking.
Got caught class bunking.
Went to jaipur with school.
Got crazy, went wild. 

Then the november.
Dated my best friend as an over correction for my first love : Divyansh.

Didn't wort out.
cried
Regreted.
Created a brotip that said not to date your best friend.
Lost my best friend.
Life went bad.
Excrutiatingly bad.
Gave my unit tests.
Got horrible results.
Attended another awesome wedding.
Said goodbye to my sister.
Cried loads.
Not because she went.
But I was crying because I just realized:
I would also be going one day. :(

Then the December <3
Got my best friend back 
Best friend fell in love with the another friend.
I fell in love with my first love, just like I did every month for the past 2 years.
But biggest fight ever with the cupcakes.
Lost all my friends.
Wanted Rudra to be there when I was crying.
He never cared to ask what happened.
He took their side just because that another girl was in their side.
Felt betrayed.
Was lonely.
Tried to kill myself 5 times.
Couldn't do it.
I did cut my hand real bad though.

But there was someone.
Someone came.
Picked up all the peices of the broken heart.
Made me smile.
Became the only one.
Helped me 
Told me to solve the cupcakes fight.

So, I solved it. 
All friends came back.
Rudra went back to normal.
This time I wouldn't.
He made me apologize to all of them.
Even to that bitch of his, he loved.

I wouldn't trust rudra again.
He wasn't worth it.

That somebody was worth it.

Fell in love again.
This time with the right person.

That's the end.
The year has ended.
So this is for 2012.

To the laughs, to the cries, to the broken hearts, to the loves, to the smiles. :)
To the craziness.

To the new beginnings.
To the old sad endings.

To the year that went by so quickly, leaving too many memories behind. :)

Happy new year folks.
May 2013 be all that you want it to be.

The Winds Of Desire.

Hello folks. :D

Today I’m here for a good reason and I need your help.

Today I’m going to talk romantic.

I’m going to talk gooey.

But it’s not going to be about me and him at all.

Today, I’m going to talk about one of the most two important people in my life.

I won’t mention any names just for them.

So there’s this girl.

An ordinary girl whose life revolves around school, family, friends and the little bit studying. She’s the only girl in her family and she has a 12 year old married brother.

Being a Hindu-Punjabi and having settled in Malviya Nagar, her family’s a little too over possessive, to say the least.

But despite the indifference, the girl loved her family.

As it turned out,

She loved them a little too much.

She was in 7^th when she started dating.

But the first two weren't exactly relationships since they ended before they even started.

But then something crazy happened.

There was this guy in school. He was probably 2 years older and had a bit of a reputation around the area. He had been stalking the girl for over a month and finally hey started talking.

Even though a lot of people warned the girl not to talk to him, she did.

She got a lot of advises  One was specifically not to fall for this guy because he wasn’t the type who would stay committed.

Then it happened. This guy decided to propose to her in the school premises but there was one thing any guy would do before doing such a thing.

What would it be you wonder?

All guys will look for help. What flowers to buy? Which chocolate to choose?

No guy can actually take all these decisions by himself. Even if he does make these decisions, there is one thing he would do for sure. Ask the girl’s best friend if it’s okay.

So just like any other guy, this guy went to the girl’s best friend. Who is it you wonder?

The one who’s writing this story. *face palm*

So after helping the guy with the stuff, what does the best friend do?

Tell the girl to reject the proposal.

So me, being a good best friend that I used to be, told her not to say yes.

But the guy had done his work.

She had fallen for him, even though she never admitted.

I was trying to save her from a terrible heartbreak, she would one day receive.

There was hope: The master of trolls, as I've referred to him in the last posts.

He was the guy best friend the girl had. I've only heard about him and I knew he was in love with this girl.

Maybe, he’ll help, I thought.

I called him even though I didn’t know him at all. It was awkward.

 I told him to get her out of this shit. He told me that he’d been trying but it’s difficult.

I told the Master of trolls to propose to her. I knew she would never turn him down.

Okay so the master of trolls is probably a big title and I’m lazy, so we’re just going to refer to him as Karan and the girl’s going to be Alisha.

So I told Karan to propose to Alisha. I somewhere thought they were perfect for each other but Karan wasn't ready for it. He couldn't do it and the next thing I know,

My best friend’s shacking up with a guy I probably hate.

Two weeks later, she was in love with him and she couldn't imagine a break up.

But there was going to be one.

So one month later, I see tears in her eyes.

I and Karan helped her to get over the break up. She wasn't doing too well and it was the first time we all saw Alisha cry for a guy.

She wasn't like that.

We both tried but we couldn't help it so finally, Karan thought of something.

But I’m sleepy and I have to go and meet Karan tomorrow.  He’s coming at 12 and that means I have to wake up at 10 which means I have only 7 hours to introspect about what went wrong in this story that now more than just 2 hearts are broken.

Karan is my best friend now and since I only see him once a month, I better not be late.

So I got to go folks. I’ll continue tomorrow. :D

-

Glitter.

A little light in. :)

And just when glitter lost hope,
Something good came along and now she finally got back to normal.
Everyone saw it.
She was smiling again and her eyes no more showed tears.
Maybe, things were changing.
The night was changing into dawn.
The days were sunnier and brighter.
Maybe, things were getting back to normal again.
Maybe the hurricane had passesd and just maybe, the rainbow had arrived.

Life was finally colorful again :)

Mother.

So it's been a while since I was here.
Well, I have not really been in the mood to write for quite a while.

But I am back.

So I don't know if any of you noticed, but I don't really talk about my family here.
Reason being, my relationship with my family is complicated, to say the least.

(FYI: By family here, I mean my mom.)

Since the past 3 years, I and my mom have been drifting apart.
I am growing up and she is just beginning to realise it.
She's a little narrow minded and I am just the opposite.

Honestly, I don't really talk to my mom.
Sometimes I doubt if I talk to her at all.
But this post is not to tell you all about my problems with her.
This is to tell you all something else.

You know there's a small girl who lives next door. She must be 8 or so. Her mom works and is not always home when the girl needs her. So my mom usually calls her at our place and helps her with her homework and stuff. Everyday I reach home and open the door, I see that girl sitting with my mom with all her books open. She tells my mom a lot of things and even though they are not what any middle-aged women would call interesting, my mom listens to every bit of whatever that girl has to say and replies in a very good way.
Everyday, I see that small girl talking about her day to my mom.
I just see her and that look on my mom's face.
I smile and I go to my room and when I look in the mirror, I see tears in my eyes.
It's just because at times I just think,
If that 7 year old can share her day with a woman she barely knows, can't I share my feelings to the person I've known all my life?

I miss my mom.
Even though she's there, I no more feel like she is.
I want to tell her all this but I know I won't be able to do so.
So, I am just here telling you all how much I miss my mother.

And one more thing.
My mother's a homemaker and even though she never really admitted, but I've always known that she wanted to be on her own.
She never wanted this life.
So I've always seen this dream in her eyes of me being on my own when I grow up.
She wants me to live the dream she never could.
She wants me to earn my own money.
I've always had this dream too.

I may not studying right now and I know I'm not the best daughter in the world.
But I know that I will make this wish of her's come true.
Somehow, I am gonna become something and I promise that my first salary will be in a account named 'Meenakshi Taneja'.

I know I've let you down a lot of times. But one day, I will make you proud mom. :)
That, I promise. 

Nazar teri buri, Aur burkha Main pehnu?

I’m sure you’ve noticed this, or maybe not- I’ve never really written about any such ‘sensitive’ issues on my blog. Main reason being, I’ve always felt, if I can’t do anything about it, I probably shouldn’t rant about it and blame others for not finding a solution. But also because, with time, I’ve become one of those who thinks “If it hasn’t happened to me, it’s none of my business. Such kind of things only happen to others”. Sad. Shameful. I know

I've never felt the urge to talk about such issues but ever since the Dehli Bus rape case, I couldn't not think about it.

Just a few days back,
I was with my friend jogging in the market at 8 in the morning.
Then I saw a guy in his school uniform staring.
I ignored it at first thinking maybe he would've seen me somewhere but then he started following us.
I felt irritated.
So, I went to him and asked him what was the matter.
He said that he didn't mean to stare.
Then 1 minute later, he asked for my number.

How is this connected in any way to the Dehli-Bus rape case, you wonder? It’s not, really. What happened to me is nowhere close in magnitude to what that girl was subjected to. I’ve been commented on and stared at before too, not the first time. And I’ve learnt to turn a deaf ear to it and walk on. Maybe that’s the mistake most of us girls make. Ignore. Pretend that it didn’t happen. Pretend that some random bastard’s dirty hands didn’t graze your boobs and ass. Pretend that you don’t feel dirty and violated at being commented on. 

But the basis of both these incidents are the same, right? That some men think they have the right to comment on and letch at and touch a girl without her permission. That they have the right to have sex with her just because she has a vagina, be it of a six-year-old girl or a 25-year-old woman. That rape is their way of establishing the power equation. That if a girl wears a short skirt and strapless top, it means she wants to be raped. Believe me, dear men, no woman WANTS to be raped. Do you have any idea how much it hurts? And I mean physically.

Let me get one thing very straight here. I’m not doing any male-bashing. I know plenty of men who are good, kind-hearted people with whom I’ve gone out late at night and have felt perfectly safe with. I have more male friends than female friends, and they have all been perfect gentlemen with me. They’ve taken really good care of the women with them and made sure that they’re deposited back home safely. I have oodles of respect for these men and have absolute faith that they will never rape a woman ever. So this is NOT about ALL men.

So who ARE these men, who rape and molest? Are they wired differently? Is their genetic engineering different? Were they born that way? Is it hereditary, this tendency to rape? Were they given lessons as children, how to rape? Do they set out every morning, in search of potential victims? Are they proud of what they do? Is rape the only way they enjoy sex? 

Really, who ARE they?

To say that the video really disturbed me is an understatement. That could’ve been anyone. That could’ve been me, you, your friend, your sister. The next time I walk on that dark road, I’ll be cautious (which is good) till I reach the main road. Because it doesn’t always happen to just others. It can happen to me too. And there’s no way I can avoid it. Unless I decide to quit my job and sit at home. Or find a job that’ll have me home before it’s dark. 

But I don’t think any of that will matter. Because for a rapist, none of that matters. Not the clothes, not the time of the day, not the age of the girl, not even whether the girl is pretty or not. All that matters is that he has a hard-on and he has to do something about it. All that matters is that the girl’s screams and struggling give him a high. Isn’t that what it’s all about? The feeling of power.

And it's not just the women who get raped. Men get molested too. Mostly BY men. And it's an equally gruesome thing. 

If the moral police say that wearing ‘proper’ clothes is the most effective way to prevent rape, then isn’t castration an equally effective measure or justifiable punishment? And if clothes are what provoked the rape, then what was the provocation to rape a six-year-old? Her frock was too short and skimpy, is it? 

What can be done about this? Is there anything that we can do, other than writing blog posts expressing our outrage and putting up FB status updates? Is there any solution to this? 

I sure hope there is… because I don’t want to live in constant fear of being groped by strange filthy men...

I am sure that there is a solution to all of it.
Because 67 ears of independence and I still don't see freedom nowhere.

New beginings

The year has almost ended and so have a lot of other things.
People who claimed to be my best friends showed me their true colors.
The people who were supposed to be there for me chose to run away at the time I needed them the most.
I am tired of trusting people who do not deserve a bit of my trust.
Tired of saying sorry when I didn't had to.
Tired of expecting from people who would never come up to my expectations.
I am a little too tired and dissapointed.
Almost everybody went away and I am all by myself.
But there is still one thing that's keeping me going.
The only thing in life that makes me want to live.
The only thing around that's okay.
The only thing I can still be certain of.
The only one who I want to trust.
I'm okay even after a lot of heartbreaks and dissapointments.
I am somehow still happy.
You became the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.
But someone came and became the reason for the smiles on my face.
He's the only thing that's keeping me going now and I honestly don't care about anyone else as long as I have him.
I used to be miserable, dissapointed and depressed but now,
Someone showed me it's not hard to smile and afterall, life's still worthwhile.
He's the only reason I'm happy again and the only good thing in my life.
He's the only one and He's always been my one and only.
This blog started with him and I think it will end with him too because he seems to be lasting forever.

All that's left to write.

Life had been better with you.
A little easier
A little happier.
And I seemed to be living somewhere.
I'd call that place love.
And I swear, I loved living there.
It was like something different.
Something unusual.
Something magical.
Happy ending, it was supposed to be,
But it always doesn't works that way
You had other plans and you couldn't see
And without even saying goodbye, you drove somewhere far away.
We had something.
Something I cherished.
Something I would always remember
But now,
Something I remenisce.

I remember how it all used to be,
The way you held my hand and looked me in the eye
I thought you actually belonged with me,
But now the pain it gave me is the only thing i try to hide.

I'm angry and a little dissapointed.
My heart was something I thought you deserved,
But you taught me I should've kept it on reserve.
I trusted you when I gave it to you.
For all I've got is tears and the pain

I don't blame you for walking away.
I'm mad because of a thing you did yesterday.
That's what makes me wanna go away.

The right thing.
You should've done it.
You lead me on like you actually loved me when we both know you didn't.
I'm tired of all of it.
The tears, the drama.

All I want is an answer.
I just want to ask why.
Why did you said you loved me?
Was it the truth or just a smart lie?
Why did you said all those things when you actually never meant them?

And I don't tell me you cared.
Because if you did.
I want to ask one last question.

Was being with me and telling our friends that we're together that difficult that you couldn't do it even after you loved me?

:/

Charming <3

Dear charming,
I do not know who you are and where your're from or when our paths will intersect but i know you're out there somewhere and i hope  to find you soon.
I just want to tell you that when we meet and fall in love, just love me for who i am and dont try to change me if it's not for the good.
Please understand if i text you constantly because i constantly want to talk to you 

I might not hug you or kiss you first because I'm shy. But that doesn't means that I'll stop you from doing it.
Don't think I am annoying just because I'm mad at you.
A simple sorry usually does the trick for me.
I may have loved before but just know tha none of them really mattered.

I might hug other guys and flirt with some of them but just know that none of them will ever mean to me as much as you do.
If i cry, please know it isn't because of you. Just hold me close and i'll heal quickly and if I ever cry because of you, please know that its just because you mean a lot to me.

I may have loved before and you may not be my first but get the fact that I want you to be my last.
I promise to remember that you have feelings too , even though you'll never admit it and I promise that I won't be mad at you because you forgot to wish me on my birthday or because you couldn't remember our monthly.
Please tell me if anything I do bothers you or if something just doesn't fit right.
I would like you to always be honest with me.
Please don't get mad if I ever call you at a bad time. Maybe it's because I wanted to talk to you real bad.
I hope you'll understand me and won't feel bad when I cry because honestly, I do that a lot.
I hope you don't mind holding my hand in public and I hope you don't feel bad telling people we're together.
I hope you're okay with me abusing and drinking and being loud and crazy in public and doing stuff normal girls don't do. I hope you understand that I don't always like to dress up and wear ten pound makeup and I hope you love me even in Levi's and a loose sweatshirt.

I promise that I'll understand that you need space and I won't get annoyed if you want to watch WWE on ESPN and play FIFA instead of watching gossip girl and facebooking.
I promise I'll love you despite your tendency to forget important dates.

I hope you don't think I'm asking too much of you and you understand that I'm a little nervous and a bit scared of love. I wish I could tell you how or when we'll meet and if we'll be in love forever. I hope you don't get mad if I call you 'Charming' because I've always dreamt of doing that. I promise I'll try my best to keep you happy and make your life a little bit easier without expecting too much of you. Thankyou for listening and come find me soon because I'm waiting for you.
Yours always and beyond,
Lakshita.

Crazy post ahead

Well hello ladies and gentlemen!
First of all, it's 4:32 a.m. And I have a social science exam tomorrow and I swear by god, I don't know a word.
Apart from the that, I also have to complete my maths practicle file or take this as my last post here.
So well, I am drunk and my parents don't have any idea.
Well, I hope they don't.
So I am here to tell you that..

Dumroll please?

It's december! :-D
Lthe most awaited month is finally here and I seriously couldn't be happier. :)

You know why?
Because I am in a relationship with my bestfriend and neither of us have said the 3 magical words and my crush is now single and his ex-girlfriend somehow happens to be my bestfriend and my sister just got married and I gave like 150 solos in total and my ex boyfriend is again in love with me and we talk all the time but I don't feel the same way because hey, I do have a hot boyfriend !
But then again, we're like best friends, but I can't cheat on him! But i like my bestfriend's ex moree!

Also, life's fucked.
I know, I sound crazy but I am just.. Um..
Okay, crazy sounds good.

So, december's here.
I lovee december.
You know why?
Because it's when everything is ending..
Like everything is changing.
The weather's getting cooler and I don't have to worry about going to the parlour for waxing and shit.
Unit tests are gonna be over in a week and there is gonna be no sign of them until february.
And a lot of other things...

But for the most part,
Christmas and new year. :D
Yayie!
Did I mention I just love christmas?
Like ishq waala love types?

I don't know but there's something about jingle bell that gets me crazy!
Maybe it's the red color that gets me absolutely crazy because that's the color we both were wearing the day our plane took flight from friendship and landed in a relationship.
FYI-  I was drunk that day too :P

But I just love red and christmas!
And I'm in a non co-ed convent school so it kinda gets better in festive season.
Also, I get more holidays, so yayie! :D
Umm.. I am sort of sleepy and i know this is a crazy update but i'm drunk so you need to cooperate.

But december's here and i am happy but i have to wake up early tomorrow and it's almost 5 a.m. So night peeps ;)

Oh wait, early today*
Good night :D

For the ones who went and for the ones who stayed.

we all have our special moments.
That time when you slept on the couch and you woke up in your bed with a blanket.
That time when you saw two people getting married.
That time when your dad hands you over your first personal cell.
That time when your teacher handed over your report card to your mom and you saw that look on her face and you knew she was proud.
That time when you got home from a hot day at school and a chilled lemonade was waiting for you at the table.
That time when you went to see your first movie.
That time when you and your mom rushed to the store just after your final result just to get something sweet because you'd passed with good marks.
That time on annual day when your perfomance was going on and you were just searching for one face in the crowd just because you wanted to say hi.
That time when you're mom dropped you off at you're tuition for you're first day.
That time when you saw someone close die in front of your eyes.
That time you cried in front of someobe who wasn't family.
That time when you start keeping things to yourself.
That time when someone told you that you were pretty.
That time when you turn into a teenager. That time when seniors turned into friends.
That time when you take life lessons from an older friend.
That time when you bunk class.
That time when you had your first crush.
That time when all you waited for was to return home.
That time when the first thing that came out of your mouth after returning home was "Mummy, khaane mein kya banaya hain?"
That time when you're brother taught you maths for the first time.
That time when you beated up a friend because he said something bad about your brother.
That time when you scored 50/50.
That time when you got the first prize.
That time when someone who just used to sit beside you during class turned into someone you call your best friend.
That time when someone asks you out for the first time.
That time when you exchanged numbers with a guy for the first time.
That time when you decided it was time I'd start writting a dairy.
That time you completed your first book. That time you went on a walk with your boyfriend for the first time.
That time when said I love you to a guy for the first time.
That time when you're cousins start to involve you in coversations which you weren't supposed to indulge in.
That time when you wear something indian for the first time.
That time when your mom agrees to get you, your first pair of heels.
That time when you have your friends over and your mom cooks them supper.
That time when you played truth and dare with friends.
That time when you had your first evet couple dance.
That time when you get jealous after your friend flirted with yoyr ex.
That time when someone hugged you for the first time.
That time when you were crying and he hugged you and told you it's gonna be okay.
That time when you saw him cry for the first time.
That time when he told you he loved you and he was gonna stay.
That time when you danced with him on the song you both used to dedicate each other when you were together.

We all have our special moments but they mean nothing if the special people aren't there.
They are the ones who make these times moments.
They are the ones who make these moments special.
they are the ones who make life worthwhile.
They are the ones who add love to your life.

These are the people who come into your life and teach you that life's nothing if it isn't shared.
So this is to all of them.
Who made the last 15 years of my life memorabe and tolerant.
Here's to all of them.
Here or not,
I remember all of you and you all are loved.

Thanks for coming into my life and making me what I am today.

I guess this is my way of saying thanks
For catching me when I fall.
And being here with me through it all.
For the bad times and the good.
For each and every silly little thing.:)

It begins in my heart when I see your bubble face

I lose all control and my heart beats begin to race.

I think I felt my heart skip a beat when that smile of yours knocked me off my feet

And soon enough, it was hard to breathe, with you, the whole world seemed complete.

I’d fallen for you but I don’t know if you ever felt the same way.

Because you and I was something I could never portray.

I can’t move on, it’s hard, I tried but I loved you then and I love you now.

It will always be the same and I’ll be here forever, I vow.

I don’t know what I’m going to do because,

I've been lying here all night, listening to the rain,

Talking to my heart and trying to explain.

Why sometimes, I catch myself wondering what might have been

Yes I do think about you, every single now and then. 

A Chocolate Or A Mocha-Flavored Sundae? o_0

We all have loved and we all have lost.

The concept of loving and losing get along a little too well you see.

Well, I have loved like any other and I’ve also lost like most of them.

But the amusing part Is that I have only loved once.

I have a lot of friends and well, they all have had their little romances and not just once.

They’ve loved, lost and they’ve moved on.

But it’s never the same with me.

I’ve just loved one guy and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get over him.

I don’t know why but I can’t move on

Not the type bro.

3 years earlier, I realized I’d fallen for this guy but actually I still feel the same.

I’m still hopelessly in love with him the same way, I was before.

He’s gone and even though not so far, I thought I ended that story a long time ago.

I only meet him once in a while and I don’t even miss him that often.

There was a time when he was the only thing I thought about and no matter how much I try, I can’t even stand the fact that maybe I have moved on.

I don’t think about him all the time now, nor do I miss him so much but every time I see him, or hear his voice, I fall in love with him all over  again and I realize he actually means a lot to me.

When I meet him, I wonder how I am even living without him being close because I couldn’t survive without him a while back.

You know the weird part?

Before we were good friends until he left and then it was a once-in-a-blue-moon talk and even t wasn’t good. It felt like he didn’t want to talk to me.

But now that he returned, nothing changed.

Then, after a little while, I left and now every time we talk, he just gets adorable and he becomes the charming guy best friend who I would love to date and who’ll possibly be the best friend ever but I am not sure if I still love him.

He’s like chocolate. I know I love it and I know there’s no chance I would ever regret eating a chocolate but what if it’s dark chocolate?

Or what if this chocolate doesn't like me?

I want to have a chocolate but then there’s also a mocha-flavored sundae in the refrigerator.

Mocha sundae looks scrumptious.

I’ve tried mocha sundae a couple of times and I’ve hated it but still I want mocha even though I know it’s of no use.

I would love to have mocha sundae but it won’t work out with mocha.

But it looks delicious. Okay?

That’s not it folks.

There’s more.

I want to have either of them so bad but I know I can’t afford to have anything sweet right now.

I just cannot date anyone. Because it gets all complicated and I’m in love and then shit happens and I’m crying and waa and wee and fuck all of it.

I think I’ll go and have a pudding instead.

The Leftovers Had Hope.

They were in love and they were together.

They were crazy for each other and they couldn't last a day without talking to each other. 

They both were happy and together. 

And it was supposed to last forever.

But it was only for a while. 

And everything that could happen was 'supposed' to happen. 

Nothing worked out and they grew apart.

She is still love with him and remembers every bit of it. 

She has it all. 

She tries to smile but her tears aren't really hard to spot. 

She hopes that one day all of it turns back to the way it wasn't but the way it was supposed to be. 

She lives each day hoping that things get better and goes to sleep every night with a burdened and disappointed heart. 

She hopes that one day the sun shines bright and he is reminded of her somehow and he wish he'd stayed. 

She tries hard to smile but the fact that they couldn't last kills her everyday. 

Everyday, she asks herself the same question. 

Everyday she fakes the same smile.

Everyday she doubts if she doesn't deserves to be happy. 

Everyday she looks around and tries to find her happy ending. 

She's broken.

But she still hopes and she still believes. 

She did not suffer too much.  

Taylor Swift

Hello peeps. =D
I've been listening to loads of music lately and well I just went from a punjabi-rap lover to a super crazy Taylor Swift fan.

I have been listening to her songs over and over again and I am in love.

So well, I have a little something I would share with you fellow bloggers. 

That's it for today folks.
I am in no mood to talk today so you're lucky. :)

Night fellas! 

Love.

Four letter word but no one has the guts to live it.
It seems so simple when you see it but so difficult when you feel it.
It gets worse, the more you seek it.

I could never understand love honestly.
I loved a lot of people so I couldn't really decide who was THE ONE.
I tried to find him but the more I tried, the more difficult it got.
So, I stopped trying.
Because it got me no where.

Then someone came.
He made me laugh and he made life a little bit easier.
He lent a shoulder to cry on and it all felt good with him.
I got my happy ending but I thought it wasn't it.
That just couldn't have been my ending.
That was not how I wanted my story to unfold.
There had to be more and all I could think about was 'What could have been.'

Even though I was happy, I pushed him away because it wasn't my ending.
I wasn't Snow white and he wasn't the one I would ever call my Charming.
I was living in paradise but I never got to live my dream.
I didn't love him.
Even though his shoulders was the one place where I would love to live, It didn't feel right.

So I pushed him away.
I almost got my happy ending but I thought 'Hey! Hunting in the woods alone for a while is no harm now, is it?'
I did not ever loose him though.
He's still waiting for me where I should have been but I choose to ran away.

Anyways, I wasn't exactly the dejected lonely girl who would sing her melancholy strain whole day.
I still hoped.

But wait, that's it for now because two prince charming's in one post is not a bit fair now is it?

Moreover, I am sleepy as fuck.
So will continue tomorrow.
Till then,
Toodles.

And Happy diwali :')

Break away.

When I was 15, I saw all my friends finding their loves and getting their happy endings.
I used to feel bad.
Not for them, but for me.
I just thought if they all are happy, then why am I not?
Is it because I don't deserve to be happy?
Or because no one thinks I am worth loving?
That's how I felt. Bad.
When I see all my friends getting their happy endings, I feel bad.
Because all I can wonder is 'Where is mine?'

So, maybe I am not worth fighting for.
Maybe I am not worth anyone's love.
Maybe I am just not worth it.
Maybe I am the dissapointment.

All she knew was she loved him.

It was an ordinary day with a glimpse of glitter in the night sky.
There was an un-ordinary and irrisistable feeling.
She decided to complete her longing desire. She decided it was time to say what was needed.

She was on her knees in the middle of the road.
She didn't care that many eyes were watching her.
She couldn't see anything.
All she could see was him.
Everything seemed to defocus and the only face she could see belonged to him.
She held a hand but it was not his.
She had to say 'I love you'. Not to him according to the challange.

She couldn't say it for it wasn't what was true.
She decided to say I love you to him.
Thoughts started hitting her brain and she could see all the What-If's flashing before her eyes.
But she didn't care.
For the first time, she put her brain aside and heard what the heart had to say.
The more she saw him, the more she wanted to say how much she loved him.
She couldn't resist, the desires were much persuasive now.
They had been there long enough and she couldn't control them anymore.
The words were about to come out.
She was about to turn heads in a second.

She closed her eyes and took a sigh.
She opened them and all she could see was him.
She looked itno his eyes and shivered for a moment.
But, she couldn't afford being scared again.
She spoke his name and said she loved him.
She didn't care of what the other's had to say.
She loved him too much to hear.
He made everything easier and she was sure.
She knew she loved him.
That was all she cared about.

She loved him they way he deserved to be loved..
She loved every single thing about him .
She rembered all the crazy memories spent with him.
She had it all.
She loved him too much to let go.
All she cared about was him.

#As long as he loved her, she belonged to him and promised to be his everything, forever and always#

Nothing but the beat.

Yeah, yeah.
I know I sort of got off the blogosphere for a little too long this time.
My apologies folks.
Believe me, I wasn't enjoying it either.
But I am back and certainly not with a bang. :P
So I was talking to this awesome friend of mine.
A really good photographer and a better writer.
Those who don't read her blog can visit it here.
http://absolutenikism.tk/
Once you read it, you'll thank me.
So I was talking to her and she told me, or rather instructed me to write on a topic she was supposed to write on.
The topic is pretty big but nice.

"You know I’ve got this theory, there are two kinds of people in the world. There are lyric people and music people. You know, the lyrics people tend to be analytical. You know, all about the meaning of the song. They’re the ones you see with the CD insert out like 5 minutes after buying it, pouring over the lyrics, interpreting the hell out of everything. Um, then there’s the music people, like Brooke. Who could care less for the lyrics as long as its just got like a good beat and you could dance to it. I don’t know, sometimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. But since I’m not, let me just say this. Sometimes things find you when you need them to find you, I believe that. And for me its usually song lyrics."

So it's pretty nice, isn't it?

Life is actually like a song.
You can either just listen to beats and enjoy the song or you can just listen to the lyrics, pouring over the meaning of it.
The choice is yours and you'll regret and enjoy both.
Lyrics people are considered much more, well, soft-hearted.
People aren't always like that.
I remember myself being a music person.
But then life happened.
I never expected myself to be a lyrics person, but by the end of it, I myself didn't knew how it happened.
I don't exactly know why I gave that away.
You know people don't always go ny the lyrics.
I didn't.
But when you actually have had pain, gone through some pretty bad stuff, you actually start hearing the lyrics.

I've noticed that only people who have gone through pain and actually know what being a broken-hearted feels like go by the lyrics.
It's because they, out of all, understand that life is not just about happiness and enjoyment.
At times, life is about pain.
And crying.
They know a song is not just about the music.
There's more to a song.
Sometimes, there is misery.
Sometimes, there is love.
And sometimes, there is life.

As much as I would love to be the music person, I was a few years earlier, I hate to admit that I actually am a lyrics person.
But at times, I wish if I could just forget the lyrics and just dance to the beat.
I wish I could think about Nothing but the beat.
I wish I'd care less about how much the lyrics suit my life.
I wish I was a music person.
Because that is how life's supposed to be.
Just enjoying the beat.
But as I said, the choice is yours.
And even though I am a lyrics person but at times, just for a while, I forget the so called problems I have and just dance along the beat caring less about what the lyrics mean.

Yes, I am a philosophical person and I think a little too much but sometimes, I actually like to be the crazy, wild, young, free and insane girl that I used to be.
Sometimes, I forget everything and simply be the carefree, un-complicated and crazy retard I was and I think, I still am. :)

You may have heard a song but you know it only when you know what it means.
Songs carry messages.
Messages of the heart.
That we fail to express.
Messages, we could never deliver.

Life is like a song.
So dance on it while it's still on.
It many end any second.
So while we're here.......

The Bitch Called Life.

Life is not at all fair.
It's a bitch we all face everyday.
This post is not about me.
It's to tell you all about a beloved friend.
A friend who is indeed falling short of luck.
A friend who could use all our wishes and respect.
A friend who has suffered a little too much for his age.
A friend who deserves so much more.
A friend with whom life's not playing  fair.
Life's a fucking bitch.
No matter how many time it'll bite you, it'll always go on.
Till now , I thought that life's not playing fair with me.
But after what happened to my friend, I doubt that.
God and believe is a joke to me now.
A joke I wouldn't like to laugh at.
I swear, I won't ever go to a temple again .
Even if I do, there's nothing in the world which can ever make me believe again.
I won't ever pray again.
God's too busy to listen.
The friend I have,
He just lost his mother who was suffering from tumor.
I had been praying for his mother over a month but nothing worked.
I can't possibly imagine what he's going through right now.
I feel so bad for him.
But if only it could help.
I'd do anything to bring his mother back.
I wish I could help him.
He's the most amazing guy I've ever met.
He's my carbon copy.
It's just that he's suffered more than I ever did.
He's just a 14 year old guy and he lost the woman he loved the most.
I guess he deserves some respect and our salutes.
Life's not at all fair to him and he deserves so much more. 
I wish the gods had listened.

After this, I actually doubt if there are any. You know the worst part?
He's just a 14 year old and actually has no hope.
That is not a good thing.
Hope and believe are the only things which can make your dreams true.
But, this guy has lost belief.
I hate god for it.
He's been seeing his mom just lying on a bed since 1 year.
I cruel year.
Her mom getting back to normal was the only thing that could get his hope back to him.
But, god took away the last chance.
He has to get his hope back.
He has to believe in things.
Otherwise he'll be depressed.
I don't know how, I will bring his hopes back
I will get him to believe.
Even though it's hard.
I will.
I can't see him depressed.
Or worse,
Hopeless.

I feel a little helpless now to be honest.
I can't talk to him.
I can't make sure if he's okay.
Hell, I know he's not okay.
I can't imagine what he's going through.
How he must be feeling.
How he must be facing the fact that he won't ever see his mom ever again.
I can't know anything.
All I can do is write about my helplessness on a stupid website.
I wish he comes back to life soon.
Cause I miss him already.

And God,
What you did was not good. You took away the one last hope left to bring a good guy to believe again. So I hope your happy.
You just proved once again that bad things always happen to the good people.
Don't ever expect me in your temples again.
Don't expect me to beg or pray to you for anything.
Either way, you won't listen.

I've learned there's only one god- Death and there's only one thing we say to him - Not today.

Rest In Peace Aunty.

Be what you want to be. Not what they wish to see.

So, the last week has been really hard on me.
And I've had a lot of time to introspect.
Well, I have a lot to talk about now.

You all know how much I hate when people judge me.
I've  talked about all that in the judging personalities post.
Well, people judge all the time.
But you shouldn't let that change a bit of you if it's not for the good.
You are different and you have to accept that.
You should try to become a better person whenever you can.
But, that doesn't means losing your identity.
Never lose yourself.
This world is a cruel place to live in.
But you should never let anyone affect your life.
People will get close to you and there's no way to stop it.
At least there's no way that I know of.
If you're a teenager, pay attention.
They'll think what the want to think.
They'll hear what they want to hear.
They'll see what they wish to see.
So no matter what you do, they'll dislike you if they want to and like you if they wish to.
That's the way this world works.
So you don't think too much.
You just do what you want to do and follow you're heart.
Only it can tell you what you want.
Life's too short and people are many.
You can never keep all of them happy 
So, why not just keep yourself happy?

All your life, you'll try to impress them and all they'll ever do is take you for granted and expect more than what there is to you.
Even if you make them happy, you won't be till you actually keep yourself satisfied.

Just remember, no one will ever promise you forever expect yourself.
There's only one person who will be there for you always , and that is you.

So learn to keep yourself happy.
Because, if you love life, life will love you back.

Escape To Paradise

Paradise.

That is where I want to go. 

That is where I want to be.

That is where I belong.

Under the moonlight,

Sitting on a white horse,

Behind my prince charming,

In the yellow woods filled with light.

That's paradise.

Where everything is just as I want it to be - good.

Where there is no stress.

Where I won't be tensed about my coming up result. 

Where my parents don't worry about me being out of the house after 8.

Where I don't have to worry if someone sees me with my prince.

Where there is no peer pressure.

Where there is no shitty problems I have to deal with.

That's where I want to go. 

In my dream land.

♥PARADISE♥

Where things are different.

I want a new life.

I want to start over.

I want to be in a place where there is peace. 

Where there are no limitations.

No regrets, Just love.

I want to go somewhere no one else can see.

There will be just us and him and me. 

I want to go. 

To a place where there is no one. 

No one to tell me what to do.

No one to tell me what's right and what's wrong.

In fact, where there is no right and wrong. 

I just don't want to live my shitty life anymore.

I know there's something more to me and I just have to find it.

But in this world we live, I guess it's just impossible to be who you are.

"One of the greatest mental freedom is truly not caring what anyone thinks of you"

-Some guy. 

Bless this guy. 

What he wrote is so true. 

This is the bitter-sour truth of our own world.

We all care about what others think.

That's the reason the world is in chaos.

We all think.

Biggest blunder we all make.

We've got just one life to live.

One heart to give.

One chance to love.

Only one.

So instead of thinking and wasting time , go and fucking do what you want.

I just want to go and escape from this world of limitations.
Where there is magic.

I want to go where there is no regrets, just love.

Where there is nothing but magic.

Where there is love.

Where I can live my life, the way I want to live it.

Where I can fly.

Where Happy Endings Still Exist.

You might think I want to run away. 

But no , I am not a coward.

I just want to escape.

Because that is what takes to survive.

Oh , I wish I could fly.

Fly to paradise.

♥MY PARADISE♥

Just You And Me. Forever Please?

Love and Regrets.

Hey there bloggers. :D

Today I entered the blogosphere to just tell you all how lonely I have been lately and the reason behind it.

So as I said in the last post, things have gotten really weird.
I mean , life is turning complicated.

That's why I blog.
This is the only place where I talk.
Moreover , It's the only place where I talk what I feel.

Things are turning worse by the minute and I really can't express what I feel to anyone now.
I mean, no one actually understands me anymore.
I had someone who did, but I pushed him away.

I may be strong and sometimes, it feels good to know that you are living on your own all fine.
But, at times you actually want someone to cry your heart out to.

I need someone.

Someone who actually understands me and will be there for me.
Someone who won't judge.
Someone who will always love me even at my worst.

I miss having that someone.

Dear love,
Pushing you away was the worst mistake I ever made. I have been regretting losing you ever since you said goodbye. You think I am just ignoring you but actually, I don't know how to face you. After all that I've done, I don't think I deserve even 1% of you. You deserve so much better. I am sorry . I wouldn't even try to take you back.  Just because I think I have hurt you enough for a lifetime. Believe me, you will get someone you deserve but that won't be me. I want to tell you how much I miss you. How much I loved you and how much I would love to have you back but I just don't think I am worth anyone.
Sincerely,
The one who's tangled up on you.

I am so guilty.
I lost the one person who meant so much to me.
I lost my prince charming.

You know what's the worst part?
This time I can't blame anyone. Not even destiny for what happened.
I know all of it was my fault.

This time , prince charming came on his white horse to sweep me off my feet.
He did make me feel like I was his snow white.
He did wake me up from the dead and brought me back to life.
But, I guess I just preferred to hunt in the lonely woods alone instead of having my happily ever after.

So congratulations to me.
I just threw away my happy ending because I wanted to start over but truly, life doesn't gives you a second chance. Neither will love.
Ever.
I hope you're happy past Lakshita. :'/

Talking To The Universe.

Hey there universe!
How ya doin?
I am not at all fine and I hope the same for you bro!

Things have been way too complicated lately.
Life has gotten a bit weird, and that's an understatement.
I swear.
I am not at all exaggerating bro.
And I, being the coward that I have always been, am gonna put the blame of all of it,on you.
Why aren't you being good
Pto me?
I mean, have you vowed to teach me all the painful so called "lessons of life" as soon as possible?
All of them all together ?

I mean come on bro.
Leave some for future me.
Past me has survived them {unfortunately} and present me just cannot handle them anymore.
I know it's a mean and selfish world.
Stop proving it to me again and again.
They aren't gonna change me anyway.
I will always be the same, stupid, spoilt,naughty girl.
I will always be me.
Situations are not going to change me, neither will these jack-asses you are  sending to me.
I will always be the same me.
I am always going to make the same mistakes.
I am always going to trust the wrong people.
I will always hurt myself over and over again due to stupid people.
I am always gonna cry for the wrong people.
You can't change the way I am, do stop believeing you will.
It just makes things harder for me.

Since I cannot warn you, take this as a pleasent request.

Please stop trying to make me realise things I wont believe.
Please stop trying to make me realise Reality.

I like myself in my fairy land a little more.

Please universe, please! Stop doing good things.
Your intention doesn't counts, the effect does.

It's a humble request out of the 6 billion  folks you deal with.
Listen please?
Pretty please?

This letter is just to tell you that things are not at all well and you just have to start changing things.

I live in a world of fantasy, so please keep your reality away for me.

I know it's totally stupid to write a letter to a hypothetical person like you.
But, it's the much needed thing to do right now.
But, I am getting ahead of myself.

So that's it for now.
Please help. Your services are really needed.
Thanks for listening.
Sincerely,
The one who is seriously disturbed by your actions.

I wrote this letter to the universe approximately 3 days ago when I was getting super bored and annoyed.
And since, I do not know where to send this letter, I am gonna post it to the one place I've always loved.
The one place where I talk.
The one place where I am who I am.
My blog.
<3 

Post script- Stop thinking I am some sort of lunatic. I am just highly disturbed from the past couple of days.
I haven't slept in 3 nights bro.
Beat that.
It's a huge thing for a sleep addict like me.
And People have fucking vowed to annoy me to the farest extent possible.
So well such a crazy blog is the much needed thing to do right now.
It's sort of in-your-face letter to myself just to tell me how much I want to talk to someone.
So, don't judge me.
*Hides behind the curtain*

I am tired as shit and sleepy as fuck.
So well It's only natural if I go and sleep but I wanted to talk before.

Okay, I am getting weird.
Before I get more weird and start sending photos , I must take your leave.
My pillow and my bed is waiting for me.

Tadaaaaa folks!
- Lakshu<3

|RudraSharmaForLifeAndBeyond|

Remember when I wrote that post about "The one's got away." ?

That post brought in a new reader to my blog. 
Rudra Pratap Singh Sharma. 
So, he asked - " Where am I?" 
So I promised him that I would dedicate a full post to him. 
Rudra , here I am keeping my promise.

So 29th September , eh? 
Something special today? 
Hell yess bichaaais. 
Today is the birthday of the cutest , hottest , sweetest , adorable-est friend I ever had. 
Today is Rudra aka Rudy's birthday. 

So , where it all began ? 
3 and a half years back. 
Remember? 
6th. 
We were so fucking weird back then. 
You were hung up on Samiha and well , you , me and harleen sort of created a fun trio. 
Them you're coming to the tuition went on and off and on and off.

But then , you finally came back in 9th. 
Eeeeeee... 
I am glad you came. <3  
And 9th has been so much fun. 
Oh yes fuckers. 
Awesome fun. =D  
I don't know why you don't like blue lays. They're my all time favourite. 
And mister, get an appetite. 
And if you have one, stop pretending you don't. 
Btw, sexy people drink Pepsi, so start drinking it.

I remember all those crazy things we did. 
--The time you invented the dialogue "Bas yahin pe na, yahin pe, tumhaara zyaada ho jataa hain." 
Damn , I love this xD 
--That day we went for hokkah. 
Did I tell you you were looking hot that day? 
--That time, you gave me weird expressions while I was having chicken and you told me to eat it with the bones.Seriously , how can you be a vegetarian? 
--That time we clicked those awesome pictures. 
I hate anmol for deleting them. Seriously hate him. -.-
--That time when I offered you blue lays and you said I don't like them and I gave you a you-gotta-be-fucking-kidding-me kindaa look. 
--Those times I taught you maths. Teaching you is fun. Really. 
--That time I met you near sikshaya while you were coming and I was going and you said -"kaha chali anarkali?". I don't know why but that moment is stuck in my mind ever since it happened. 
--That time when you asked me what type of a guy do I like and I said your type. And then you gave me the reaction- "Naaiiicee" in your tone which I am never ever able to copy. -.-
--That time when you, me and Nandini were together in the T.T room doing that model test paper-13 and you both went crazy and I was a little irritated but afterwards me and Nandini started teasing you with Riya's name in front of Manish Sir. 
I so loved that day. 
--That time when I said -"Rudra ke bachche , agar tu 5 minute mein apni computer ki book lekar nahi ayaa, fir dekhiyo" on the phone and you went to Pushkar's place to get his book. 
And we ended up leaving Pushkar's book at Janta book depot :P 
--Those times when you wrote on your hands "80% is the call".
--That time when Giaa wrote Riya's name on your hand. :P 
--That time when you started telling me what actually happened between Riya and you and what that fucktard Vijay did. 
--That time when you , speedy and Shruti clicked pictures without me. :/
--That time when I spoke a little too much about You and Riya this sunday and you said that Batra bakers thing in front of everyone. -.- 
--That time when you, me , Nandini, Shivam and Harsh went to the market and had fruit beer. That was fun too. 
--That time when you said - "Lakshita, 80% dilwaade , bike aa jayegi" and I replied - "Mujhe bhi rides degaa" 
Yes , I am mean. 
--That time when I told you that there's a spare bike at my place but no one is ready to teach me how to ride a bike and  you said -"Abhi nikaal la, main sikhaata hu." 
--That time when you came to the tuition in the summer holidays for dance. When I saw you my reaction was - o_0 Now , who's she? 
LOL, just kidding.  I was damn happy. 
--That Sunday you came to tuition for the first time and we did lines and angles together. 
--Those times you called Katyaini , Kanyakumaari. xP 
--That time when everyone was teasing you because you and Riya ,both were wearing green and you said -"Toh Lakshita bhi toh green pehen ke aaiyi hain." and I said - "I am wearing sea green." and you said -"Toh, tum meri sea, main tumhaara algae" :*
--Today. It was absolute fun. The pictures bro, weren't they just awesome? 
Oh yes , I can go on and on and on.
I ain't no kidding.  
I actually remember all the things we did.


So let's tell you some things I want to confess.
--Everybody thinks you are my crush and I don't know why. :/
--You are Nandini's current crush. (shh.. secret, bro :P)
--Divyansh Arya thinks you are comitted with Pratibha.
--I don't like Mitansh. He is an ass. So dare ever tease me with his name. 
--If I would want to date anyone, I would never go for someone like Mitansh. Tujh jaise ladke kya mar gaye hain? xP

It's always been fun with you. Always.
But dude :/
You missed the scholarship fun, man.
You were really missed in our group.

Seriously Rudra?
Couldn't you go for a better girlfriend than Riya?
I mean, 6 billion girls on this planet and you had to date the girl I hate the most.
Why ?
Couldn't you give me a better name to tease you with?


So you know you're best friends when: 
-You two know all about each others past. Check. 
-You two just don't know each other's
stories, you two have actually lived them with each other. Check. 
-You have laughed a tonn with each other. Check. 
-You have cried for him/her. Don't know about you , but I have. So, check. {You are not allowed to ask why, when and  where.} 
-You both know that both of you are totally Insane. Check. 
So I guess we are kind of best friends aren't we?

Thankyou so much for being there Ruşty. 
I heart you and I always will. 
Here's to the randomest talks, to the trips to the malviya nagar market, to the upcoming hangouts at Ice cafe and spasso, to the tuition fun together, to the unlimited watsapp conversations., to the numerous dialogues, to the typical "Scene banaalo yaar" dialogues, to the Fuck we still 't have a good picture together. 
You have given me every single reason to write down such a huge post for you.

I love you for joining sikshaya namah back and you dare leave it again due to what so ever silly reason.
You are not going back again. 
Btw , the whole fucking tuition thinks we're together. 
Just so you know. 
But let them say what they want to say. 
No one and nothing can come between you and me.
I love you so fucking much.

And one reason why you weren't in the post " The one's who got away" is because you aren't one of them. You are among the few ones who came back.

Got so close this year right? 
I love you and I always will. 
You are mine. Get that? 
Friendships are like tom and jerry. 
They tease each other. 
They knock down each other. 
They irritate each other. 
But in the end, they can't live without each other. 
Will you be my tom?

You will always stay special no matter what.

|RudraSharmaForLifeAndBeyond|

Like I promised, a freakishly long post on my blog . Just for you :*

You owe me some bike rides. :P 
Well it's your birthday , so whatever you want. 
Promise. 
Pinky promise.

Happy birthday. 
Congratulations for your new tab 2. 
And 
Congratulations in advance for your bike. 
Sorry for the teasing with Riya's name. I know you don't like it. 


Happy birthday once again. 
Have a blast. I know you will. 
K. Bye?

And and and,
As I said, 
I love you, fuck them all.

That's him!

I know he's hot. 

Happy birthday Rudra!