Wishe; Achievements;Regrets;Lessons;Dreams. 2013.

Because the end of the year is here. Again.
Another year ended. Another day gone. Another tear wasted.
Just like every year, the lights are going to be back on Christmas.
Just like every year, everybody is wishing for someone they’ve always longed for, on Christmas.
Just like every other year, all my friends would hang out wearing red on Christmas.
Just like every other year, Christmas and new year’s eve would again be just excuses to hang around.
The funny thing is. I remember last Christmas. And the one before that one.
2011 and 2012.
And 2013 is also here. Another year is going to come to and end. Again.
And I can’t do anything but wish that it slows down.
I still don’t know how my 2013 was.
Good might be an understatement. And bad might be an exaggeration.
But just like every other year, I learnt a lot. More than I did, ever.
That is how every year ends. With achievements, wishes, regrets, lessons and a dream.
So that’s what my post is about today. :D
10 wishes, achievements, regrets, lessons and dreams of 2013.
So, TOP 10 WISHES!
1.    Lose weight. Waaa :’(
2.    Grow nails.
3.    LONG HAIR >:o
4.    A cell phone.
5.    A1. A1. A1.
6.    Make mom proud.
7.    See Dad a little less tensed.
8.    Get 80% attendance.
9.    Get to sneak out again. L
10.  Get the love of your life back. ;)

TOP 10 ACHIEVEMENTS.
1.    Summer dance choreography <3_<3
2.    The costumes and the change.
3.    The anchoring of the 10th Scholarship Annual Function.
4.    Got the love of my life back.
5.    Spent 6 months being single.
6.    Got a permanent best friend.
7.    2 months of nothing but DANCE.
8.    Ended the worst year of school with good marks in the final exams.
9.    Gave mom, nandini and pratibha the best birthday ever!
10.  Fell in love.
TOP 10 REGRETS.
1.    Suicide attempts.
2.    Updated this place less.
3.    Lost my identity in the middle.
4.    Got scared to give some amazing relationships the chance that they deserved.
5.    Let down MOM, DAD AND BROTHER.
6.    2 PHONES BROKEN, ANOTHER LOST.
7.    Forgot the principles.
8.    Wasted a lot of things.
9.    Got drunk at the wrong place. With the wrong people.
10.  Forgot some lessons well learnt.
TOP 10 LESSONS.
1.    Take chances.
2.    Don’t chase after what doesn’t works, LET THE UNIVERSE TAKE OVER.
3.    Never ever, leave you phone in your bag in SCHOOL.
4.    Don’t give credit to those who don’t earn it.
5.    Ignoring is better than chasing at times.
6.    Never pay the auto waala before you hop down.
7.    Find the connection; timing will be here on its own.
8.    Don’t leave it for tomorrow.
9.    Never whisper over the phone when with someone.
10.  No one knows you better than yourself.


TOP 10 DREAMS.
1.    The two bikers. <3_<3
2.    The walk under the moonlight.
3.    The car outside my school gate.
4.    The abduction.
5.    The XPERIA ZR in my hand.
6.    The atta-bori and him.
7.    The establishment and settlement.
8.    The fixing what is broken.
9.    The run-away with me.
10.  PARADISE.


So that was the 4 top 10 things of 2013.
But to be very honest, it has been a lot more than this.
I don’t know if you call it good or bad.
But I know one major thing.
It has been another hell of a year. ;)

Our dreams. Or yours?

So it's been a long while since I've been here. Honestly, I don't know what I am going to talk about today. But I am here because I have a lot to talk about. {Don't leave the page already? :(}
Okay. So did I ever mention that I totally hate the concept of Indian education?
What is it for?
Making a better future or Maintaining the population system?
No, I am not blaming anybody for the rise in the number of suicides committed by students. I am just stating some facts.

• No body is judged by his report card. Intellect is not shown by marks. 
• No exam in the world can tell you which person can do what. 
• Books can't tell you how to make a living. 
• Reading the chapter nutrition and getting full marks in the test won't give you good health. 
• Just because you topped your class doesn't mean you're smarter than all of them. 
• Getting the highest marks doesn't give happiness. 
• Hearing your parents tell you they're proud of your marks doesn't improve your relationship with them. 
• Learning reproduction chapter doesn't teach you how to reproduce. 
• Reading cookery books doesn't make you a good cook.
• Just because you topped in Biology in 12th doesn't means that you can become a good doctor.

So why is it, that marks are so important that for three years, 10th to 12th, everybody keep telling you the same thing. 'Your whole life is dependent on what you do now.'

Are they really so important?

I mean, how can one 3 hour examination tell me or anybody what I or he or she is capable of?

I remember a time. When school was not just about books. When playing in the sun was a mandatory part of the curriculum. When kids who knew how to tie laces on their own topped in Physical Education. When English classes were all about interaction. 

I've spent every class of mine like that. I don't know what's happened now.

Everybody keep telling me that marks are important. 

They keep telling me that they are the only way how I can make a living. 

My parents think marks are the only way I can make them proud. 

People who know what I am capable of have already made bets saying I am going to score good. 

And despite of knowing that 10th grade marks do matter, I am studying as less as I can. I don't have any such reason. 

But the thing is, It's not about the fun anymore. I don't study my English poems because I find them interesting. I read them because people keep telling me that they are necessary for marks. I don't sit down with a history book every night and read the chapters that are not in course just because I like knowing what my country has been through. I read the notes one day before the exam of that one chapter that's in course and I give the test. I don't read biology or chemistry because it's fun to question nature. I  study it because 10 cgpa is the dream. 

It is not about what I, or any other student want. 

It is all about, studying hard, getting marks and making a life out of a sheet of paper. 

Everybody keeps saying, that is the dream. But whose exactly?

And how long do all of you expect us to live out to your dreams when we have some of our own?

Actually, if we keep staying up at night to study to live YOUR dream, when are we going to find the time to sleep and make dreams of our own?

Again, just a thought.

This concept of studying for two years, 10th and 12th and making your life settle sucks. 

How can you write down our life on a piece of paper even before we've started living it?

-Wish. 

Courtesy : The big guy upstairs XOXO

More than that.

Because the stars don't shine. They do a lot more.
Just like everything cannot be seen from the shore.
The waves don't flow. They do a lot more than that.
Everything cannot be seen from the start.

The mother who's been there since forever.
Do you realise, what she's done and how much she's worked?
The father whose work has kept him away from the people he loves.
Do you realise, how much he regrets every moment he couldn't have with you?

These people don't just care. They do a lot more.
You need to look closer. And you'll see what's in store. 
She isn't there only to cook your food. She's worth a lot more.
He isn't there just to earn money. He wished to do a lot more than that.

Things aren't how they look.
The cover won't tell you what's inside the book.
See more than what can be seen. 
And you'll be more than what you've ever been. 

It's not always about the what you can see.
Green leaves don't give shelter, it's actually the tree.
Look inside the eyes and maybe you'll realise.
The good.  The bad. The truth. The lies. 

Mom, Dad.  This one's for you.
Because things haven't been going so good. But I'm sorry and I promise I'll be back. 
I miss you people too. 
Love. 
Wish XOXO

Countdowns V/S Chocolates♥

Inne three days time, I am turning 15.
And honestly,  I suddenly feel so important, you know!
7 people are doing the countdown for my birthday and it feels weird. 
I am mean, I have never been SO loved.
And while I see all of it happening, I start wondering...
Are they only being nice to me because it's my birthday in 3 days or do they actually love me so much?
I don't know!
You know, somehow, everything's changing. 
I am apologising to so many people and they are forgiving me without a thought!
Can this actually be real?
Every one is being the best of themselves but I don't fucking like it!
Nandini is putting up photos with me everyday and just when that seemed less, she started updating my solo pictures on instagram with another countdown!
I mean, whatsapp could've sufficed.
And honestly this is weird. 
I don't like being so loved, you know. 
I never was the "Make me feel important.", "Prove your love to me." type. 
Rather, I enjoy being annoyed and irritated by some crazy berserks.
Even in all the relationships I have ever been in, I always liked having the funny and playfull kind of relationship.
One in which I could hit him and he could slap me back.
And one, in which I could call him anytime of the day and say "Oye, Haramkhor!  Yaad nahi aati!"
And one, in which he could tell me anytime while we're talking, "Saali velli, bohot ho gaye dramme! Ab sone de. Uthna hai mujhe kal!"
That is how I feel loved. 
I don't like when people remind me that they love me and constantly show how much they care for me.
That is the fucking problem with the world. They never get what I want.
And the ones who do understand what I want, are the ones who either are out of my life already or the ones who don't even exist.

Anyways my point is, you can't tell someone you love them by updating statuses, posting photos, holding countdowns for their birthdays. 
You can only make them realize how much they mean to you by the simple acts of making them feel like family, telling them anything that's on you mind without a second thought and maybe giving them chocolates. 
Because hey! Everybody loves chocolates, right! ;)

So everyone who's trying to make me feel loved since the past week, I just want to say that I appreciate the thought, but you sure need to know me a little more.
And yeah, the dailouge "Oye haramin! 3 din hain birthday ko. Zyada dimaag ke ghode na daudaiyo ki mai kya doonga. Party pe aaunga na, usse hi meherbaani samajhiyo. Chal ab zyada ud mat, happy birthday in advance!  :*"
Would knock me off my feet way more than "Aww, I love you so much bith, 3DAYS TO GO LOVE!" would.

Then again, thanks Countdowners♥

AND YEAH. One more thing! 
3Days.3Days.3Days. 
Laku's gonna be fifteen. ♥
OH YEAH!  OH YEAH!  OH YEAH!  =D

Rudra Pratap Singh Sharma <3

And you know I have been missing on a lot of things lately.
Dancing, eating, praying, singing.
Actually to be honest, I have been missing on a lot of people lately, nandini, pratibha and a guy.
A guy who's not just ANY guy.
A guy who's smart.
With the cutest smile with those vampire teeth.
A guy who's always been one of the most amazing friends I have ever had.
A guy who's a little short in height but wayyy to biggg at heart.
A guy who has not only been my best friend but also my ally, my bro for life, my companion and my janani :P
The one with the longest name.
Rudra Pratap Singh Sharma! <3
The one who had a post dedicated to him last year exactly this time.
You know why?
Because it's his fucking birthday bitches.
First things, first serve.
Rudra, I know we haven't been in touch lately and I know you think that I have forgotten everything about you but the truth is, it's not like that. I remember you pretty well. Not only you. I remember all the memories we made.
All the times when I taught you almost every subject at the tuition.
All the times we hung out at ice cafe.
All the times we got those pictures clicked.

Mansi's birthday. L.P.S winter carnival.
And honestly,  every thing has been fun.
Even the 3rd of november, when we made a HUGE mistake.
You know, you were the coolest best friend I had and the best thing about you was the way you loved.
And honestly, seeing you loose that over the past few months is the main reason why I drifted away.
You know I still think about  the times when you and Rana told me everything you have been doing since the past few months.
And honestly, I still don't want to believe any of it.
I miss seeing that Rudra around.
The one with the lame jokes and the awesome shayri.

I know you think that I don't remember you and shit. But I do.
A little to well.
Rest, you know how it goes.
I love you. Stay there forever. Blaa. Blaa.
I didn't put a caption because I couldn't write all of this on facebook.
I am posting it here instead.
I hope that you read this soon.
Because this is what I want you to know.
I love you Rudra Pratap Singh Sharma.
The one with the adorable smile and the charming dimples :*
Happy birthday love :D

:')

Again, I am sorry for the absence.
Sorry fellas, but I have lost that thing in me. The craze to write. It's lost.
But I still wanna talk about a lot of things.
For example, I want to tell you people how much I miss this place.
I want to tell some people how much I love them.
I want to tell my parents that I don't want to leave my house.
I want to tell Dad that I hate how he doesn't trust me anymore.
I want to tell Arpan how much I love him.
I wanr to tell Nandini and Pratibha how much I need the Cupcakes/Bombs to get back together.
I want to tell Mansi, Luvleen and Lakshika that they're the only 3 reasons I have for going to school.
I want to tell Mom that I love her even if I shout at her and drive away from her.
I want to tell Ayush that I miss talking to him everyday.
I want to tell Manish Sir that I hate how he drove away.
I want to tell Utkarsh how much I miss him everyday and how much I hate the fact that he's so far away.

There are so many things I want to tell so many people. But no matter how hard I try, I can't.
I wish I could. But I can't.

That's the thing about life, you see. No matter how much you want something, the best is to let go of it.
Because no matter how hard you try grabbing it by the hand, it only pushes you away and while you're running after it.. Suddenly, you discover, it's not even worth it. :)

January to February. Again. :)
Heart beats fast.
Slow down, the world isn't watching now.
Colors and promises.
It's safe to say, we are alone now.

Moments and memories.
I can't hear no sound. Only a whisper.
That whisper turns to shouting. Shouting turns to tears.
The tear turns into laughter.
And it breaks away all fears.

There's a question. There's a doubt.
How can she love when she's afraid to fall?
There's another following on.
Would he even catch her if he does?

If there's an answer, she'd like to know.
She doesn't like it like the winter snow.
Another touch, a little more tears.
These smiles are going to last for years.

They'd see them smile. They'd see them laugh.
Just like it used to be in january.
The giggles and the carefree love.
And maybe it would lead to february :')

Reminders

Everything around me is a reminder.  A reminder of you and me.  A reminder of what we have lost ad what we won’t ever be able to get back. I have tried letting go and love, I have succeeded. I do not look for you anymore wherever I go. I do not think about you all the time I have learnt not to need you and I feel like a part of my life is over. Like a whole phase, the best one till date, has now finally come to an end.

Everything in this world is a reminder. It reminds me about all the bad decisions, all the mistakes and very often it occurs, that it reminds me about the good times. Not only the good times I’ve had with you but with all the amazing times with all those who own a place in my heart.

Anyways, I want to tell you about now. Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is a part of my life and it is the only way I am going to learn my lessons. I do not know what is right or wrong. But honestly, I don’t care. I am going to take my decisions even if I make the wrong one because I don’t want to go back to the old me. Who didn't take risks and didn’t have the courage to say yes to life. I have been like that once and I am not going to be that girl again. There are not going to be any more chances. Life is once, OVER and I am not going to let anything that makes me happy just let go like that.

I have lost a lot of things and people only because I didn’t have the courage to stay with them and honestly, letting go of them feels much of regret now. I miss having those people and those things around.

Yes, I know there’s nothing I can do about it but there is one thing I can do. Not repeat that mistake again and that’s exactly what I am going to do now.  I am making my decisions on my own. I am going to do what I feel like. I am going to be happy. I am going to say yes to life. I have lost a lot of things and anyone who has lost people, who should’ve stayed forever, would know that   nothing belongs to anyone in this world.

So, if nothing belongs to me, then there is no point wasting time thinking about things that are not mine. I am going to do what I feel like and yes, I am going to start saying yes to things and people who are worth it.

Courtesy for post : Paulo Coelho. J

Back. :)

Now now now, it's been a long while since I was here.
Before I start with the usual, there is something I'd share.

Forever starts at my grave.
Do not cry at my grave and yell.
i am not there. I did not die.
I won't be there to dry your tears and compell.
But in your hearts, I shall reside.

I've seen people come and I've seen them go.
But even today, that is not what matters.
I am the shinning brook and I flow.
Seeing people go is not why my heart shatters.

I've been through a lot and I've come a long way.
And for me, the journey is still not over.
I don't run after what went with yesterday.
For me, The story goes on till forever.

Do not cry at my grave and yell.
I am not there, I did not die .

So that is what's going on right now. A lot of introspection, with a handful of cribbing and truckloads of the usual.
I am a little irritated these days but hopefully, things would be normal soon. The tables have always turned.

Hope is still there.
A little change of heart and a little light in.
I still have a long way to go.
So smile :)

Happy Bloggyversary. *Blithe Spirit* :)

Okay so happy one year *How beginnings end*
I am glad I  created you and It's a pity I do not use you regularly.
Sorry but birthdays and anniversaries just don't excite me that much anymore.

So moving on, sorry for the absence.
But I was busy. Seriously.
June was weird and awesome.
Scholarship Fucntion'13 was Amazing.
Summer Vacations are over. Damn.
These were the best ones ever.
I mean, sneaked out, got drunk, stopped hokkah, quit dating, broke the record, anchored a show, wore a saree, danced, hopefully lost a few pounds too, had a huge fight, got over someone who seemed to last forever, let go and the best thing,
Got to know someone who's more awesome than me.
Yeah man, he is super awesome.
He makes sure I don't get addicted to hokkah again, he makes sure I don't ignore my studies, he makes sure I don't get all suicidal like I used to, he even makes sure that I wear the seat belt before he starts the car, he makes sure I don't fight with my parents and he even makes sure I don't cry as much as I used too.
And he even keeps me single!
Okay, that list was a little long.
But it goes on!
I don't know how does he manage to handle me, but he does.
And yeah, meeting him is definitely one of the good deeds of 2013.

Well, yeah, shit happened too but I guess what's done is done.
So moving on,
I don't know how, but I don't cry anymore every night like I used to once.
Fights are going on with parents but I act numb now and honestly, it is a better solution that fighting back.
Tomorrow is the first unit test of 10th.
A little tensed but 4 chapters, 10 marks.
Seriously bitch?
Or what the fuck is wrong with CBSE?

Anyways, it'll go good. I know.

Things are going to be good soon. *Blithe Spirit*
Yes world, the girl who used to hide tears behind every smile has changed.
Now she cries only because her stomach hurt laughing.
I am glad that...
Umm.. Well...
I am glad because..
I am glad I got myself back. =D
JINXX <3
^Every new phase, has a new name ;)

And once again, Happy Bloggyversary How Beginnings End. :*

Okay dude, I like food! =D

Now since I have been gaining a lot of weight for the past few weeks, I thought, hey! Why not talk about food? 

So, India is, without a modicum of doubt, the land of food. No I am not trying to comment upon India’s self sufficiency in food production. Rather what I have experienced is that, despite having quite a low Per Capita Income,India never fails in coming up with the most extravagent fares for the foodies. While the Indian curry is a rage abroad, the middle  & high income Indian is adding inches to his midriff with the help of those potfuls of sugar,spice & everything nice.

The Indian Society allows for indulgence in food on numerous occasions, I would merely like to bring out a few of them here, some situations where food is your primary concern & some fixes where food is far from your mind.

The Shaadi Dinner-

• You fill up to the point of bursting. payment is made by the plate & the fact that the waiters have started giving you the evil eye about three helpings ago is irrelevant as you step up to fill your plate yet again.
• A shaadi dinner serves to challenge the laws of geometry of a human stomach (in common parlance, how does it all fit in!)

The First date dinner-

• Fancy restaurant,
• Butterflies in your stomach thus not very interested in eating much.
• looking at your date, the sparkle in your date’s eyes seems priceless,for everything else there is mastercard ( I hope, else you are screwed).
• Have given her an expensive gift. Money is mere paper in front of the magical essence of love.
• Typically, the menu would be gourmet, you want to show that you enjoy culinary experimentation because  it seems sophisticated.

• Will not let her pitch in for the bill.

The Nth Date dinner   (where “N”  is greater than 10)

• Cheap Dhaba, swatting flies, irritable about having to miss the IPL match for the date your partner insisted upon
• Slow to pick up the check hoping that she will offer to pay, since u gave up being the financial scapegoat long ago.

• Have stopped experimenting beyond butter chicken , dal makhni, after all these dishes didn't become standard fare by a coincidence.

Friend’s Brithday-

• Hog, quantity is very much similar to the shaadi dinner, though maybe u respect the fact that your unfortunate birthday pal needs to have at least bus fare money, so u don't order too many dishes.

Your Birthday –

• Almost don't eat, worried about the bill because some people whom u expected to turn down your invitation have turned up.
• Keep feeling your back pocket for the reassuringly (though very rarely) fat wallet.

A Homely Dinner-

• Hardly eat anything. those who believe that there is nothing as good as mom cooked food, yeah right, You haven't been to good restaurants, maybe you need to pick up The Times Food Guide. XD

The day before an important exam-

• Stomach is feeling queasy, as if you have just seen a B grade Bollywood flick.
• You can hardly nibble on anything though mom wants you to eat well so that you get energy for the exam.(How much energy does it take to write an exam, especially if your preparation level prevents you from writing much in the exam.)

The midnight snack-

• Quiet , You don’t want your parents to wake up and scold you for not having a proper dinner. Ah, The blessed packet of Maggie.

I end here in the hope that you would help me add some more, which may have escaped my mind.

P.S. Chocolate Ice cream with Chocolate Sauce is really not tasty, as sumptuous and tempting as the dish may sound. I had the regrettable urge to try the heady cocoa concoction and my advice is,Do NOT try it.

Amazing What It Does♥

Fanna.♥

The name itself means destroyed in love.

It starts with a blind Kashmiri girl, Zooni, who travels without her parents for the first time with a dance troupe to Delhi and meets Rehan Khan, a Casanova tour guide who flirts with her. 

Even after being warned by her friends constantly, Zooni can't resist falling in love. As the story proceeds, they two spend time together and smile and laugh and as love blossoms, they both share a romantic song, Dekho na, and end up slipping in bed with no strings attached. 

Having no regrets, Rehan convinces Zooni to undergo surgery to reverse her blindness and the day of her surgery,  Rehan leaves to pick up Zooni's parents. When Zooni comes out, she sees her parents with no sign of Rehan. It is later found that Rehan has died in a terrible bomb blast at Rashtrapati Bhavan plotted by a terrorist group fighting for Kashmir.

Later, it is revelad that Rehan is part of the terrorist group and is not dead. Seven years later, Rehan is sent to Kashmir on a mission by the same group where he is injured. He enters a remote house as a communication blackout is ordered by the Indian army and finds that the house belongs to Zooni. 

There he meets Zooni, her father and her son who is named after him, Rehan. 

Later, through a TV broadcast, Zooni and her father separately discover that Rehan is a terrorist. Later, Rehan ends up killing Zooni's father and his friend, an army officer to maintain his hidden identity.

In the climax, Rehan tries to convince Zooni to give help him with his mission, saying that the terrorists will torture and kill young Rehan if she doesn't. Finally he takes the trigger, promising her that no one will actually get hurt and that this is the only way they can have a happy future together. Grieved, but determined to stop him, Zooni runs out of the house after him and shoots him, crying "I love you, Rehan". 

The final scene shows Zooni and little Rehan laying flowers on the graves of Rehan (Sr.) and Zooni's father. Rehan asks if his father was a bad man, and Zooni tells him that he was doing what he felt was right. Rehan kisses his father's grave and tells him that he loves him. Zooni tells her son, "It is easy to choose between right and wrong. But to choose the greater of two goods or the lesser of two evils... those are the choices of our life,".

So yes, even if love doesn't destroys, people do, on a large scale, get destroyed in love.

Love is never easy.

Most of the time, you are either running scared of it, telling lies to make it through the day, or just facing the truth. Some are smiling because of it, some are crying while some are just numb because of it.

Sometimes you get it, sometimes, you don't.

But leaving all that out, the thing is that love is hard.

In the story, Rehan leaves Zooni even when he got her and they both were happy, Rehan left Zooni all alone.

Zooni had to live 7 years of her life, where she could see everyone and everything but the whole world seemed pointless as the only face she ever wanted to see was not there anymore.

She had to spend 7 years alone, living for the only memory Rehan left that Zooni could see, his son.

Nevertheless, as they say, "If it's not good, it's not the ending." Rehan and Zooni meet again.

They have the chance and they have the chemistry.

But again, timing's a bitch.

They two still can't be together because Rehan had to choose between honor and love. 

And because he chose honor, and his honor dis-honored him and his heart, Love, or Zooni, killed Rehan with the truth that she loved him.

What she did was hard and I or no one else could ever do that.

She took away someone who meant the world to her from herself only for him.

That is true love, I believe.

She could have it. She could have had Rehan and his son. 

But she knew what Rehan wanted and she gave him his freedom, taking away everything she had and loved from herself.

It is said "Tere Dil Mein Meri Saanson Ko Panah Mil Jaaye

Tere Ishq Mein Meri Jaan Fanaa Ho Jaaye." 

Love means sacrificing. It means living out for not yourself but for someone else. 

Love means sacrificing. It means living out for not yourself but for someone else. 

Love does has the tendency to destroy  But apart from that and even though it hurts beyond pain can suffer, love is amazing.

It is amazing actually.

It is amazing how a person, you just met, mean the whole world to you.

It is amazing how someone can make you smile even when your heart wants to cry.

It is amazing how a person can make you forget all your limits, and boundaries.

It is amazing how you can fight off anything or anyone just to save that someone.

It is amazing how you can love anyone so much.

It is amazing how you can love.

It is amazing what it does.

Anyways, what I want to say is even though Rehan died, he isn't really dead.

A part of him, maybe a memory lives along. 

Zooni still loves him and maybe she'll love him forever.

They'll always be in love and happy even if not together.

There is so much hatred in the world, but still the hearts tend to carry love.

Marr bhi jaaye pyaar waale. Mitt bhi jaaye yaar waale. Zinda rehti hi hain unki mohabbatein.♥

Why fake feelimgs? Keep it real. Like A Boss B)

You know I never quite liked being in a relationship.
Never. 
For me it's always been like this. 
I have a life. Maybe it's miserable.
But I've had worse and every time, I've made it through somehow.
Maybe I seemed too weak but still, at the end, I stood up.

I am a little crazy and at times I am too mad to handle.
I don't like relationships because honestly, I don't like living up to anybody else who's not me.

And I am no good at them either.  I swear I'm not the adorable girl that'll be all like "Kaise ho?"
"Dinner kiya?"
"Aww"

I am not like that at all. I don't even like being like that.
I mean, out of all the topics in the whole world,  the only thing you want to talk about is what I had for dinner?
That is a cry for help in itself. 
How is it even supposed to be fun?

Well yeah, it feels good to know that someone cares about you and is always there for you but this gooey and romantic shit is not how I like to be.
I don't want to talk to my boyfriend about what I had for dinner.
Not at all.
If I have a boyfriend,  I'll obviously want him to hear my crazy stories but not always. 
At times, I'll also want him to tell me to shut up and hear his stories instead. 
Yes, sometimes it is okay to be a little cheesy but that "Aww, you're my hunny bear" , " I just want to cuddle you up" dailouges are shit.

And I hate it when guys pretend to like them. 
I mean, I am a girl and I hate them so why on earth would a guy enjoy these irritating dailouges covered in cheese? 
And if guys don't like them, which they obviously don't then why the hell do they even hear them?
Can't they just tell the girl to stop being so kiddish and stupid for once?

I never get the logic :/
I mean if she really loves you, you should have the guts to tell her that her stories are boring and you should have the guts to katta-fy her whenever.

I don't want that "I'lll never leave you baby, I promise" kind of boyfriend. 
I want that "Aur chaep, aaj pakana nhi tujhe? " kind of boyfriend.  

I mean isn't being crazy and comfortable with each other supposed to be the whole dynamic of a relationship? 

I think keeping best friends is way better than being in a relationship. 
At least you two keep it real then.

That is the reason my relationships don't last. Because I don't want such a cheesy, holding hands kind of relationship. 

I want a playful relationship where I can punch him and he can slap me and we'll insult each other 24/7 and we never have to tell each other how much we love each other because if we really do, we'll know.

So I guess I'm gonna wait for this guy and I know that there is one like him and I know he is made for me.
Until then, Wish is still waiting.♥

Because Charming will come.
I know right now is not the right time because hell, I'm only 15!

He'll come one day.
And we'll ride to Paradise.
Not on a horse or his expensive car.
We'll go
there walking even if he doesn't likes to because I'm going to make him!  :D

So the point is, you shouldn't run into relationships just because you are feeling lonely.
Wait for the right person.
And we all are not looking for someone who just tolerates your little quirks, we are looking for someone who accepts them, enjoys them and loves you as a person because of them.  ;)

Bleh.

For everything that you do, a part of you suffers.At times, even doing the right things hurt.And they hurt bad.As they says that the fire is in the sun. But the burning is faced by the earth.Same way, the eyes do the love and the suffering is done by the heart.No one can be blamed or cursed for it but it happens. We all fall in love with the idea with love some or the other day and sometimes, when you least expect it, you do fall in love.But as someone else has said, "Loving is so short, forgetting is so long..." is also true.Yes love hurts but before the crying part, there is that part which will make you happy.There are going to be smiles. There is going to be laughter.There will be a time when just looking him in the eye will make your day and there will be nothing else you'll ever need. But after that phase is over, another phase and time will come. When everything you once loved will be over. Gone. Just like that. And then will come the hardest part of the story. The part when you don't know what's right, letting go or holding on.You'll cry, you'll be on the hook, you'll hope. But one fine day, you'll stop waiting around. You'll stop hoping for him to come back. Because that fine day, you'll realize he's not worth it. And if you have something better next to you, just hold on to him and give him all you can. Because maybe, even if not soon, you'll realize if someone can make you smile and laugh, he is worth it. Even if you aren't.Just do what your heart says because you'll never regret the things you do from the heart.Bottom line is, be with someone who makes you happy and try your best to keep him happy.Even if you don't like it because maybe one day, you'll love it. :)
And to add to it, one more quote I love "Why be alone when we can be together.... I can make your life worthwhile.. And you can make my life start to smile."

After A Storm, Comes A Rainbow.

Hello there peeps.

Today I'm going to talk about what I've recently learnt, rather discovered.

So the thing is that yes people, life's hard.

Maybe it's not fair to you right now and maybe you've suffered enough.

But the thing is that no matter how hard it is, it is awesome.

Well yeah I'm probably the last person for giving advises on optimism but I guess I've learnt this lesson.

No matter now hard life is and how much it sucks at times, you just gotta make it through.

The tears, the cries and the pain is important.

You know why?

Because after you've suffered, and the story's over, there's this feeling you'll get.

The feeling that even after going through that rough patches and all the shit, you made it, will make you feel awesome.

And that is what makes all the tears, lies and drama, worth it.

You'll never know what happiness means until you've faced misery and tragedy.

It's hard and at times it'll make you cry and break down.

But that rough patch is the most important part of the journey.

Because we all hate the storms.

So when we learn to live it and face it with a smile and make it through, is exactly when we'll learn to appreciate the rainbow that comes after wards. 

So learn to deal with the rough patches, dry away the tears and make your lips touch your ears.

Trust me there's nothing more beautiful than the smile that has struggled through the tears. 

We all love rainbows and wait for them. What we don't like and fear is the storm. 

Learning to face the storm, dance in the rain and making it through with a smile is what makes you different and stronger than the world.

Yes. I've had a lot of drama in the past and I've broken down too but now I've learnt to give the devils a smile, for I have learnt to seek out for the angels.

And they are always there for sure. 

"Life is beautiful." 

Rightly said indeed. :)

Life Lessons From Just A Lost Fish In The Sea.

Move over all the crazy shit you have pulled up in the past.

Stop waiting around for people who aren't worth it.

Learn to make the most out of the moment.

Make people laugh when you don't feel like smiling.

Let go of what you can't change.

Don't chase after what doesn't work. Let the universe take over.

Accept the changers in yourself ; they may turn out to be good later.

Don't wait for things to happen, make them happen instead.

Move over unsuccessful relationships, unjust companion-ships and terminated love stories. 

Forget what you regret.

Do not regret the things that make you happy.

Learn to deal with it.

Make it through when you don't want to.

And all the while, smile :)

Realization.

I thought 2012 was the worst year possible in my life and I thought 2013 would be awesome as it would compensate for the shit that happened.
But as they days go by, I begin to realize that just when you think it can't get any worse, it can.

Quotes =D

So just because I still have nothing to talk about, I'm posting some quotes.
Some are copied while some are written by me. :)

Introspection's hard.

Okay so here's the thing. I’ve been miserable for the past week. I am easily confused, perennially frustrated, and surprisingly lonely for a person who is constantly surrounded by a hell lot of people. Yes, all the old shit of being the sad and lonely girl is back. But whatever, leaving that out, oh wait, there is nothing at all I have nothing at all to talk about. No kidding. I mean it is kind of weird for a person like me who always have some or the other thing to talk about. I miss myself. I swear, I do but well, in the past I've been in this mood over and over again but every time I broke down, I bounced back. Somehow I picked myself up and got over it. But this time, it is just weird. It’s like I don't want to bounce back. I don't want to be normal again. I like being broken heart-ed because the truth is, I don't have the courage to pick up the broken pieces and be myself again. I don't want to fix my heart. That lost love; I don't want to bring it back because I am tired. I am tired of people taking me for granted and leaving me every time. I am tired of people coming to me, getting close and then walking away and then saying that the only reason they ever came close was because I needed them. Well so this is for the world. I am okay on my own and I don't need any one. I don't need anyone to fix my broken heart because I am happy with the broken pieces. Yes, I got hurt but I let go. I didn't move on but I just stopped waiting around. I am not moving to anyone new right now because no guy is worth it right now. I'll fall in love someday again. But this time, at the right time, with the right person.  #Because someone said that love does not happens in an age you can't even pick out which dress to wear. =D

Goobye again. :)

No.
I am not going to be a broken heart-ed again.
Not anymore.
When you came, I asked if you would stay there forever and you promised you'd never go away.
But yet, you drove away.
Without even looking back once.
And even though it kills me inside, I won't cry for you.
Not anymore.
Because you didn't want to stay.
When I said I loved you, I meant every bit but you didn't.
So it is not my mistake this time.
And I need not regret it.
I should not regret it.

And I won't.
I don't care about you.
Actually I do and its a little hard seeing you far.
But that doesn't stops life.
Life will go on and so shall I.
So if I have to survive without you, why not just enjoy doing it.
Yes, I loved you.
A part of me still does and I care about you a lot.
A part of me will always care about you.
Because when you drove away, you didn't go alone.
You took away a part of me with you.
A part that is dead.
A part that loves you.
But that part will be eternal.
It'll always be somewhere within me.
But no, I don't want you back.
I actually don't.
Because all the love I have for you will never ever cover up for what you did to me and how you left me and moreover,
Where you left me.

I still care about you.
But I guess I'm not going to cry over you anymore.
Because you are not worth it.
What you did just reminded me that forever is to good to true.

Thanks for driving away and giving me another reason to stick to the old time quote "Love is shit."

Never mind.
I'll find someone like you.
Someday. Somewhere. Sometime. Again.
I'll be happy.
With or without you.

Till then,
Right here.
Smiling :D

Another time.

You'd think I was rotting in the lowest pit of hell.Fortunately, I've actually been bubbling at the bottom of a cauldron full of awesomeness. :DGeez who am I kidding, my life absolfuckinglutely sucks. There is just nothing more to me than THIS anymore. "Happy Laku" is nothing short of a legend now, and the sound of my own laughter surprises me. I am easily confused, perennially frustrated, and surprisingly lonely for a person who is constantly surrounded by a hell lot of people. I isolate myself when in doubt, break things when I am pissed off, get nasty when preoccupied.The end of the world, Y U NO COME ALREADY?I am not the biggest fan of change, and everything around me is changing so rapidly, leaving me out of breath ,desperately trying to keep up. Old relationships crumbling, new ones disappointing me in every sense of the word. Breakdowns come to me as naturally as sneezing fits and their frequency is increasing at an unprecedented rate.
BUT having said all of that, I am going to be happy. This new person, I don't like her. Not one fucking bit. That happy-go-lucky person who didn't give a fuck about anything or anyone has got to get back, and that too with a with a BigBloodyBang! So I'm going to dance, and blog, and jog, and smile, and laugh, and chatter on, and do every single thing that I love to do. Every single thing that made me ME. So move over unsuccessful friendships, and unjust companions and terminated love stories. I may not have stability or love in my life right now, but I sure have hope in my heart. :)WHAT DOES A GIRL HAVE TO DO TO GET A HUG AROUND HERE? :|Sitting, waiting, wishing.
And A lot like love has ended. I wrote 50 series, bitches!Big deal,okay?I don't think I am going to start with a new one. Not right now at least.But if I do, It'll be "Another Time."

Sorry, I am back? :-P

Yeah, yeah. I know i'm not suppossed to be here but hell,
I need this place.
More than anything right now.

So I've lost touch with myself.
I'm just lost and confused.
I was trying to be somebody I am not.
But dude,
Wtf?
Imma be me now!

If I can be this crazy that I can almost kill myself because of some fucker out there,
I sure can live for myself.
So say goodbye to glitter because she's not me.
I am me.
So R.I.P glitter.
Your services are no longer needed.
And welcome back wish.
Yes that's my new, self made nickname.
I don't care if anyone's there for me or not.
I am getting back.
To life.
And I don't care about anyone now.
Yeah, I have a boyfriend. And I love him. And I am gonna be there for him whenever he needs me. But I don't expect him to be there for me because I don't
Want to be let down anymore.

So well, enough of the craziness.

What's up peeps?
How have you people been doing?
I hope you all are good.
Well certainly better than me.

I have been okay.
Started studying, I think.
Yeah, I have.
I am going to get A1 in all the fucking subjects this time.
I am going to be me again.
I don't care what happens.
Sa-2 is going to be awesome.
Fa-4, not so sure but nevertheless,

I am happy.
I have a new best friend and I seriously hope he will stay.
I lost rudra because of the dating thing but I guess he's coming around now. I am going to make him study too. Tht guy is smart and he needs to study.
I am starting going to school from tomorrow. I don't care if I haven't done any work. I am gonna go there.

I can't avoid it forever.
So the sooner I learn to love it, the better it is.

Rest, I hope I get Nandini back. Because I really miss her.
And I hope I make someone proud this time.
Atleast, myself. :)

- Wish.

The screwed up past and the upcoming good.

So this post is kinda different. It's gonna be historic and futuristic at the same time. No, I am not insane.
I am gonna tell you all about how my 2012 went and how I want 2013 to be different.

So starting with 2012.
The good deeds, the mistakes and the regrets.
*The good deeds*

Started my own blog
Wrote poems
Lost a lot of weight.
Got myself a makeover.
Made a lot of new friends.
Danced this summer.
Clicked a lot.
Got clicked even more.
Got my first DSLR.
Grew up.
Got close to Nikhita.
Scored a little better in the half yearlies.

*The mistakes*

Started dating.
Lost old friends.
Read really less.
Started hokkah and drinking.
Lost Manasvi and Nandini.
Left the cupcakes.
Got close to a lot of people.
Broke up with 4 guys
Didn't {couldn't} move on.
Stopped studying.
Started lying to mom.

*The Regrets*

Dated my best friend.
Started dating.
Lost a lot of close people
Didn't dance.
Couldn't get A1 just because I was too lazy to complete the activities.
After the long 3 year crush, moved on to the completely wrong person.
Cut my hand.
Became someone I don't recognize.
Went in depression for 3 months. Never came out of the depression.
Lost the actual me.

Nevermind.

2013 is going to be different and I hope it's better.

So here's my 2013 to do list.

Start reading.
Stop eating chips.
Loose weight in the pre session holidays.
Get A1 in the final term at any cost. Make mom proud.
Grow hair longer.
Not to screw up with Divyansh.
Not to propose any guy this year.
Not even one.
Stop dating if things end badly with Divyansh.
Do not fuck up 10th.
Get real friends.
Try and go to school regularly.
Stay in touch with Nikhita.
Do not start smoking.
Do not stop writing.
Start writing more poems.
Dance this summer as well.
Get the old me back.

So that is how the previous year went and that is exactly how I want next year to go.

Please future glitter, Do not screw this year up. So I am sleepy now.

Toodles folks. -
Glitter. :)

The Nerd.

And 2013 has been kind of hard on me. I think I've been happy but no. 

I am just smiling but I know I am not okay.

I've been putting up with a fake smile just for the people around me.

But then suddenly, I realized, if they don't even know me enough to tell if I'm happy or sad, 

Hell, why the heck do I care for them enough to make them happy?

They don't like me when I'm sad, so I thought of pretending to be happy.

But if they can't handle me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best. 

So step one : Stop caring for others and start living out for yourself. You'll be more happy then. 

The other thing is, I've been kind of lost lately. 

I am not sad. But, I am no happy either. 

It's like I've made all of it more harder than it used to be. 

I am not stuck in the past. I've let go of it. 

But then, neither am I living in the present, nor am I thinking about the future. 

I am just getting wasted away, day by day. 

I tried not to be sad. I tried hard. But it was wrong. 

I have to start trying to be happy again.

I am tired of being the dissapointment. 

I can do a lot of good things and make things okay right away. So hell, I am gonna do them. 

I don't care what happens. I am start studying again. 

I don't care if they say I'm a nerd.

Because maybe, 

Somewhere deep inside, I like being the nerd.

That's who I used to be and that's what I want to be.

Moreover, that's what I need to be right now in order to actually be happy. :)

The usual.

Hey folks.
I've been meaning to write a lot but I don't know why, I just didn't.
Anyways,
Things have been okay.
Nothing too bad except the fact that I have stopped studying.
Nevertheless,
Some lost friends are back but it's going to be a while before I can actually trust them again.
Mom is not angry.
The addiction to hokkah is hopefully less now.
Some friendships are not easy to restore though.
I miss her. But honestly, I don't want to try to get her back anymore. Too tired.

Apart from that, thinking to loose weight just because someone wants me too and no, that's not my boyfriend.

Also, things have been going okay with my boyfriend. I love him. People are doubting if I am happy with him. But honestly,
Even though he's not the best boyfriend ever.
Even though we don't text 24/7,
Even though I haven't heard his voice in the past 2 days,
He gives a part of himself to me I would never break.
He's not perfect.
I am not either.
But the fact that he is just trying, is enough to get me through the day.

Not frustrated, not sad, not the old me anymore.
Just someone who's finally happy now.

Just starting to get the old me back.
Until then,
Sitting, waiting, wishing.