Sorry, I am back? :-P

Yeah, yeah. I know i'm not suppossed to be here but hell,
I need this place.
More than anything right now.

So I've lost touch with myself.
I'm just lost and confused.
I was trying to be somebody I am not.
But dude,
Wtf?
Imma be me now!

If I can be this crazy that I can almost kill myself because of some fucker out there,
I sure can live for myself.
So say goodbye to glitter because she's not me.
I am me.
So R.I.P glitter.
Your services are no longer needed.
And welcome back wish.
Yes that's my new, self made nickname.
I don't care if anyone's there for me or not.
I am getting back.
To life.
And I don't care about anyone now.
Yeah, I have a boyfriend. And I love him. And I am gonna be there for him whenever he needs me. But I don't expect him to be there for me because I don't
Want to be let down anymore.

So well, enough of the craziness.

What's up peeps?
How have you people been doing?
I hope you all are good.
Well certainly better than me.

I have been okay.
Started studying, I think.
Yeah, I have.
I am going to get A1 in all the fucking subjects this time.
I am going to be me again.
I don't care what happens.
Sa-2 is going to be awesome.
Fa-4, not so sure but nevertheless,

I am happy.
I have a new best friend and I seriously hope he will stay.
I lost rudra because of the dating thing but I guess he's coming around now. I am going to make him study too. Tht guy is smart and he needs to study.
I am starting going to school from tomorrow. I don't care if I haven't done any work. I am gonna go there.

I can't avoid it forever.
So the sooner I learn to love it, the better it is.

Rest, I hope I get Nandini back. Because I really miss her.
And I hope I make someone proud this time.
Atleast, myself. :)

- Wish.

The screwed up past and the upcoming good.

So this post is kinda different. It's gonna be historic and futuristic at the same time. No, I am not insane.
I am gonna tell you all about how my 2012 went and how I want 2013 to be different.

So starting with 2012.
The good deeds, the mistakes and the regrets.
*The good deeds*

Started my own blog
Wrote poems
Lost a lot of weight.
Got myself a makeover.
Made a lot of new friends.
Danced this summer.
Clicked a lot.
Got clicked even more.
Got my first DSLR.
Grew up.
Got close to Nikhita.
Scored a little better in the half yearlies.

*The mistakes*

Started dating.
Lost old friends.
Read really less.
Started hokkah and drinking.
Lost Manasvi and Nandini.
Left the cupcakes.
Got close to a lot of people.
Broke up with 4 guys
Didn't {couldn't} move on.
Stopped studying.
Started lying to mom.

*The Regrets*

Dated my best friend.
Started dating.
Lost a lot of close people
Didn't dance.
Couldn't get A1 just because I was too lazy to complete the activities.
After the long 3 year crush, moved on to the completely wrong person.
Cut my hand.
Became someone I don't recognize.
Went in depression for 3 months. Never came out of the depression.
Lost the actual me.

Nevermind.

2013 is going to be different and I hope it's better.

So here's my 2013 to do list.

Start reading.
Stop eating chips.
Loose weight in the pre session holidays.
Get A1 in the final term at any cost. Make mom proud.
Grow hair longer.
Not to screw up with Divyansh.
Not to propose any guy this year.
Not even one.
Stop dating if things end badly with Divyansh.
Do not fuck up 10th.
Get real friends.
Try and go to school regularly.
Stay in touch with Nikhita.
Do not start smoking.
Do not stop writing.
Start writing more poems.
Dance this summer as well.
Get the old me back.

So that is how the previous year went and that is exactly how I want next year to go.

Please future glitter, Do not screw this year up. So I am sleepy now.

Toodles folks. -
Glitter. :)

The Nerd.

And 2013 has been kind of hard on me. I think I've been happy but no. 

I am just smiling but I know I am not okay.

I've been putting up with a fake smile just for the people around me.

But then suddenly, I realized, if they don't even know me enough to tell if I'm happy or sad, 

Hell, why the heck do I care for them enough to make them happy?

They don't like me when I'm sad, so I thought of pretending to be happy.

But if they can't handle me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best. 

So step one : Stop caring for others and start living out for yourself. You'll be more happy then. 

The other thing is, I've been kind of lost lately. 

I am not sad. But, I am no happy either. 

It's like I've made all of it more harder than it used to be. 

I am not stuck in the past. I've let go of it. 

But then, neither am I living in the present, nor am I thinking about the future. 

I am just getting wasted away, day by day. 

I tried not to be sad. I tried hard. But it was wrong. 

I have to start trying to be happy again.

I am tired of being the dissapointment. 

I can do a lot of good things and make things okay right away. So hell, I am gonna do them. 

I don't care what happens. I am start studying again. 

I don't care if they say I'm a nerd.

Because maybe, 

Somewhere deep inside, I like being the nerd.

That's who I used to be and that's what I want to be.

Moreover, that's what I need to be right now in order to actually be happy. :)

The usual.

Hey folks.
I've been meaning to write a lot but I don't know why, I just didn't.
Anyways,
Things have been okay.
Nothing too bad except the fact that I have stopped studying.
Nevertheless,
Some lost friends are back but it's going to be a while before I can actually trust them again.
Mom is not angry.
The addiction to hokkah is hopefully less now.
Some friendships are not easy to restore though.
I miss her. But honestly, I don't want to try to get her back anymore. Too tired.

Apart from that, thinking to loose weight just because someone wants me too and no, that's not my boyfriend.

Also, things have been going okay with my boyfriend. I love him. People are doubting if I am happy with him. But honestly,
Even though he's not the best boyfriend ever.
Even though we don't text 24/7,
Even though I haven't heard his voice in the past 2 days,
He gives a part of himself to me I would never break.
He's not perfect.
I am not either.
But the fact that he is just trying, is enough to get me through the day.

Not frustrated, not sad, not the old me anymore.
Just someone who's finally happy now.

Just starting to get the old me back.
Until then,
Sitting, waiting, wishing.