The Corner Bench.

So there's this one park I go to everyday. I don't take anyone along. I go there alone everyday at 5 and sit in the corner bench. I close my eyes and when I open them after a minute, I see these small girls of 11 or 12 playing badminton. Now all these girls ever talk about are the little things in life. They talk about school. They talk about tuition. They talk about what they had for dinner.

But none of them ever tell each other about anything bad that happened.So I wonder, is their life perfect?

They talk about everything and as I listen, all I can wonder is that how the fuck can there be nothing bad about their days? 

Can life really be perfect?

Then I close my eyes again. 

When I open them, I turn my head towards the other corner.

There, I see a little girl wearing a frock on the swings and then to her right, I see her dad,pushing her to flight. 

Now that makes me freeze for a minute or two. 

No matter how hard I try, I can never break my stare when I see them. `

Because both of them have this look. A look I once saw on my father's face but haven't seen since as long as I can remember. 

But then, what can I do about it. I know, being the obnoxious jerk that I am, I am never going to rebuild my relationship with my father that fell apart a long while ago. 

So I thought, why not do what I have always done. 

Just write about it here and feel like something's off my chest when I know, it's always going to be there. 

Till the day it's not there, 

WISH. 

NOT THE SAME ANYMORE.

Obviously it isn’t. Time changes everything. It even changes the facts.

It can change the fact that there’s no one you can promise forever except your parents. It can change the fact that in times of crisis, there are only a few people you can trust and you call them family.

It can change the fact that you can’t be sad for more than a day.

Time is a very funny thing. They said it was a scalar quantity when I was in 8^th. Maybe that’s one of the very few thing I remember about physics. But they never said, that’s it’s going to be the best teacher ever.

It’s going to teach you lessons and kick you so hard if you don’t learn them.

If you still resist on learning them, it will be a good teacher and teach you again. But one day, it’ll stop teaching you the lessons and give you an exam.

If you pass, merry Christmas. 

If you don’t, the 31^st of October has begun.

Time can change a lot of facts. It can even change you no matter how much you hate to change.

It’s not the same anymore.  They said.

It was never the same like before.

6 months have passed and I swear, it has never felt the same. Like it did, back then.

The Goodbye.

Why not just say goodbye to the bad things?

Say goodbye to everything you don't want in your life. 

To all the times you felt lost and cried. 

To all the times it was a "no" when you wanted a "yes".

Say goodbye to everything that makes you sad or takes away your reason to smile.

To the scrapes and bruises. 

To the heartache. 

To the tear. 

To everything you wanna do for the last fucking time. 

Be strong and be ready to say it. 

Seven letters; Goodbye. 

Courtesy : HIMYM. 

The chance.

So mentioning one more stupid observation. 

How many of you kick small pebbles that cross your way every day?  

90% of you, according to my observations, to say the east. 

Now the next time you kick that pebble, pause and think of it as a metaphor for a chance. 

So now, do you know how many chances do you get every day?                                                                     

Do you see how many chances do you leave half way before reaching the destination?

Do you see how many chances do you miss? The best part is that among all the chances you took or left or missed, there was this one chance which reached the final destination.

And one more lesson to be learnt, it came at the last.  So the next time, you lose a chance, don't cry. The next one, is already on its way :)

I know, stupid. But when you really think about it, is it?

The mask.

And there are these masks we wear everyday. A mast to hide the pain, remorse, guilt and the anguish.

The mask which won't let anyone see that it's not just the water that falls off those eyes. 

The mask which won't let anyone know that the same lips which stretch to make a smile also scream at night.

The mask which doesn't let anyone find our that these same eyes who glitter now, see nightmares every night and cause the screams. 

We all wear masks. It is not to portray what we aren't. 

It's to protect the people we love. Because the moment the mask falls off, they'll find out that they're in love with a completely wrong person after all.

The Advanced Therapy ; Sole Vice.

I've been meaning to write this for a pretty long while now but I didn't and I don't have a reason. Not making it more confusing and long like I usually do, I'll just skip to the point. 

I never quite understood why people always felt the need to smoke. Honestly, I don't even remember the last time I walked down a road for 2 minutes and didn't see anybody on the way with a cigarette in his/her hand. It makes me sad, to be very honest. But then again, who am to I tell them to stop?

I could corner them for a lecture not to smoke in public places like a road but then again, what difference would it make. 

I could tell them that they could get cancer but then again, DT cinema's have already got that covered. 

Or maybe, I could just cough and let them know in a very condescending way that what they're doing is wrong. 

BUT then again, is it going to stop them from ever holding a cigarette in their hand again?

Obviously, as you may have guessed, the answer's no. 

The fact that they don't care what 100 people walking down that road would think after seeing them smoke in public is enough to tell you that none of the above mentioned ways is going to stop them from smoking. 

So, is there a solution?

Even if there are, I've tried them all my life. 

From kindergarten till today, I've tried to stop people from smoking and it doesn't helps at all.

So here is the last resort.

Since I cannot do anything about it, I am obviously like every other girl like me, end up writing about my disappointment here, hoping that at least 10 of my loved ones would read it and maybe one of them, in case a smoker, would at least feel bad about it.

How does it helps, I want to ask. 

To every smoker out there who thinks a cigarette is more loyal than any person on this planet only because it's more available, I have some questions. 

How can something which runs to disappear a second after it's born help you or anybody face their problems?

How can something that burns into ashes and is crushed beneath your shoes after it's dead be your best friend?

How can something that leaves a smell so bad that even death's stench feel better, give you relief?

How can a stick of color white with a band of gold, make your life easier?

I can give you some explanations. 

It doesn't fucking helps. It doesn't bring you relief. All it does is make you weak. 

I have many people I love who smoke and honestly, it's gotten to the point where I don't even tell them not to smoke anymore. I don't even stop them. 

I'll give you two major examples. 

There's this guy who calls this the advanced therapy. 

He says the smoke brings you home even when the brightest lights can't drive out the darkness. 

I choose to disagree. 

He is also a guy who once said, "I am a very independent person, I don't even need my mom and dad ot support me."

And now, I can't help but ask him something. 

You may be independent and strong, Mr.XYZ, but having said all that, how many days, rather hours can you go without a cigarette? 

See how independent you are? 

0%, I'd say. Rather, you've been locked into a room which has nothing but smoke and let me tell you something, It's going to run away soon and the day it does and you have no more cigarettes to produce more, you'll realize that the room has nothing in it. Neither the cigarettes and nor the people the smoke drove away. 

To add to him, there was this girl. I called her the girl who had glitter in her veins and a twinkle in her eyes. 

She used to be my role model and that one elder sister I always wished to have. She was 3 years older than me, in fact she is but since we don't really talk anymore, I prefer using past tense in her case. 

She was a crazy girl who would always come out with such crazy stories you can't help but pay attention to. 

But then, she passed out. We lost touch and now, she's the college topper and the theater girl and it makes me really proud at times. 

But then, this other day, I found a picture of her on Instagram with a cigarette in her hand saying, "Sole vice".

And again, I can't help but wonder. 

What has happened to all of these people?

They hated the fact that they have to depend on certain necessities and now they have this weakness and they fucking enjoy it?

I have obviously, tried smoking too.

But I never understood why people do it and I still don't. 

To all the smokers out there, I know you all have millions of answers like, "You don't know how it is" but no.

All of the answers you have are excuses. 

You all just take the easy way out, fucking smoking all the time to overshadow your existence. 

I don't know why I am publishing this stupid post. Maybe in the hope, that maybe, I do change a life today. 

Till then, 

WISH. 

Right here.

The sun shines everyday, just like it did back then,
While I still lay here thinking about how to pretend.
Never thought I'd wait for you again and here I am,
Looking for another chance and saying yes, I can.

You say that my "Maybe" says it all,
Reading our old conversations and I can't help but fall.
You say it's over now but I choose not to believe,
The warmth's gone again and I can't help but freeze.

Give me another chance if you can,
I promise to be more than I am.
Cross my way like you used to do,
And every night, you'll know I love you too.

The cold win kisses my hair and gives me shivers,
I miss you being my wind and the feeling being frisson.
Why did you choose to be so far?
The dreams are still here and I can't see my star.

I walk the same roads everyday,
Look to the right and no, you're no more here.
But since I am the one who made you drive away,
I have no option than to wait for you, right here. :)

Just wanted to let you know that I miss you too, stupid.
The conversations, the wish v/s lakshita, the scooty rides, the five star v/s snickers, the crazy hug and the never ending kisses.
Nothing is ever going to be over.
I love the way you put all of that you wrote today.
Never going to forget it, love.
Come back soon now, I know you miss me more.

Till then, wish <3